i am trying to savour in whatever home has at its best. everything is so great though i feel like i am spending more time on staring at the computer screen more than anything and anyone else. what has gone to my promise on nice warm conversations with my family? i know that i have got a lot to say and tell but everything's so blank now.
was helping my mother at the kitchen yesterday morning. and the later evening, we went for a stroll at the mall. i know that i am still me because i was literally jumping and running around. i am still me because i could talk and crap a lot and laugh a hell lot but when times come to my own moment, i totally restricted myself from having any contacts. i like to be alone sometimes yet i could be reactivate the next moment.
i believe that i am keeping too many things deep down inside that it doesn't fit to blog it out here. i am not sure whether i need to reminiscence it in my later life. it is something quite hurtful. and i know that i am selfish. i dont even know what i want best. i dont even know if my life is organized now. i dont even know a lot of things and i want to have a solid confirmed answer. anyone answering my calling? things have been bugging me and it's no good things. i so want to cry but it doesn't worth it. i just feel like bursting out loud because it's really annoying. i have so much of doubts. i have so much of pain. i have so much of uncertainty. i have so much of many others mind-boggling, flummoxed thoughts and feelings.
that's why i am putting on a smile everyday. that's why i need to laugh out loud everyday. i dont want to endure sad, sorrowful days and realizing that i have been wasting minutes and days saddening over unimportant things in which i have got of paramount importance things to ponder upon. i am thinking too much these days. i seriously need a break from some degree of surrealism.
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