i didn't speak a word at all during the last pbl session for second module and i think i just got myself in trouble by not scoring anything because i could see that the fasilitator was scribbing things down and i know that she was making a tick or whatever it is for those contribute and i think i dont get a tick. i just sat rooted to the chair because i got the whole things wrong. my prepared answers did not answer to the questions given. i was cursing, at myself. i felt so bad and disappointed with myself again.
serious. what had gone wrong with myself? my studies is disastrous now. i do not even know how to fix everything up and i do not even know if ever i will ever get back on the right track. my life is a mess now. i used to be so hardworking then. what had gone wrong with that? where is that 'diligence' in me? long gone. goodbye.
i have been feeling uneasy about myself since i-dont-know-when. it's pretty hard to keep track with my irregular mood swing. i have different feeling about myself every single minute. however, i am so grateful and thankful to know that i am still comfortable with my character with my friend that i have been missing recently. it's like magical. it feels as if everything's okay even when it's not. though, sometimes i wish i am Edward. nonetheless, ignorance is a bliss. see, i am doing that again.
okay. Dear H,
from now on, you have to strive in scoring for your second module exam. education is important. some more, you are doing medicine. you dont want to be an ignorant, indifference, dumb medical student.
whatever that happen, God must have His plan for you. And for those coming events, need not to worry because He must have something greater and better for you. You just have to live through your life, happily everyday. take time to dwell in your own fetish/obsession but make sure you get your studies properly managed. what happen to your dream to become a qualified doctor that want to serve for the community with your own effort and interest? this spirit should not die out but to be enhanced and enlightened every single day. you have to remind yourself on that. (i have so many things pooping out. gee. i think i am s stressed out. gee. this is unhealthy.)
be good everyday. be nice. be humble. be happy. be yourself. do what you do, just keep on laughing. there is always a brand new day. do not let insignificant things to affect yourself please. you are mature enough to think of what to be put as priority. do not be lazy. do not think so much of the dissolve mystery and unanswerable questions. you are no Edward. do think of your dream. medicine. yes. this is what you choose. and you should have no regret although there are times when you faced with those inexplainable, insane stuffs to take note. it is important. just do your best. take joy in learning.
oh hell yeah. i should be reading this note to myself everyday.
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