the next day, i was more determined and cracked my congested mind to really complete everything because i want to impress my brother. i could have done better though. however, my brother was really really really happy and excited and surprised and impressed that i have managed to help him in that particular assignment. he said it's amazing. he was real grateful i think. i felt so awesome and feel really great about myself because i feel like i have done something special, some more it is for my brother. i really feel a sense of inexplainable joy. it's almost magical. my life is really starting to make a turning point or rather moving optimistically positively forward.
today, i met with a couple of friendly and nice random stranger on the bus and faculty. it's such a bless. i couldn't really take it knowing that these people do actually care and mind to offer a help and anything possible knowing that i am merely a passerby. i feel like somewhat guilty and a need to be more helpful and kind towards as many as possible people. and yes, i am still holding on to that principle. sometimes, it makes me more determined when people are being impudent and disrespectful towards me. it's very painful and disheartening to see such moral decadency in our society nowadays especially in this big city. i will still offer a smile and a 'thank you' when appropriate. i need to make the world a better place to live in. and my purpose of still being nice even though i am ill-treated is because that i think it serves as a lesson and it gives an insight for that particular offender to ponder upon his/her doings. moreover, if both parties are like so stubborn to tolerate and give up, there will definitely be no cure in salvaging this lost world.
today, i somewhat was drifted into my own emotional (emo) world because i suppose i just got some enlightenment on my sudden swift behavior. yes. it's a part of escapism but it's more than that. yes. i do miss my old self sometimes. i need to indulge in my own world sometimes and not to get the attention all the time or anything. it's somewhat a painful to mingle with people knowing how their thinking and thoughts and personality is not to my approval, sometimes. there are time when i am still doubt of who i am, the true self of mine. it's like i have been faking my life all this while because i keep on having multiple mood on different occasions. i suppose i know the root cause of it but not sure if i am able to overcome this unhealthy habit. i could be bubbly and talkative sometimes but the opposite way the next second. what i am sure of is that i will take every moment because i own them and try my very best to savour every bit of it.
i love to laugh out loud. i love to be with people who can make me laugh. i love to be with people who have the same interest as me, those kind that make you feel as if we have been knowing each other for a long time yet eager to treasure more of it. i love to be with people that i am really comfortable with. i feel like a need to read minds sometimes. whatever it is, i will just let things work out on it owns because He must have planned out the bestest for me. i just want to be nice, humble and honest on who i am. i do have unlimited wants but it will be way so unfair to own everything knowing there are less fortunate people. therefore, i am going to make my loss and for whatever that i am not owning as a gain at the same time so that i am grateful always. though, i guess it's okay to pray and strive for things sometimes. so that He hear me.
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