Terminal stage

the worst feeling in the world is when you feel like spilling out your feeling, thoughts and problems that you have kept to yourself for what seemed like eternity to the one you love most and dear to heart but to be turned down because apparently that someone doesn't understand and know you well enough when you are the one who stupidly thought that that someone is the only reason you live and moved on serving as one of the purpose of life.

gawd. i feel so bad for myself for spilling that tad of tears. Tears that are formed under high pressurized grudge that has been held for a long time. Tears that symbolize self-pity and self-absorbed over a matter that is left unsolved, unspoken of. no. actually, it was brought to the discussion table once but eventually remain case-closed without any proper (and my desire) solution instead to have to put me into a situation that i find very much difficult to brace thru. i think people just dont want to talk about it anymore. people are sick and tired of my unending whining. again, how i wish the thing with the switching-body stuffs, Freaky Friday are able to be utilize in real life because i need it very much so that they can be in my position. only then, they are able to evaluate and analyze how much damage and mental disturbance everything has succumbed into, leading to a self-destructing me, now.

it was just another side of me that i didnt expose thanks to the convincing poker face. and here i am, feeling the urge to inscribe it here. I feel like blogspot has become a space for me to show and deal with my anger-management and self-hypnotising thing. One day I was fine and contented with life, another I find it dark, gloomy. Often, I stared out the windows, looking at the traffic, lost in thought in the vast sky, wondering. Wasn't sure if I am grateful to have this life or I m better off dead.

Thee author of my biography should really comes out with something new already. This chapter should be ended as soon as possible chai am not sure whether my character is going to make reader intrigued and glued to the anticipation of turning the pages. The author should really comes out with new inspiration, something crazy, something fun, something creative because this, this is not fun. This is misery. This character might die out even before the author Himself called upon an epilogue. I am trying very hard too to create escapism from this mistaken chapter. Hoping to find courage and inspiration as well as new idea on how to start a new chapter, making pathway to link to the road not taken. Gotta be fast, I don't know how long this time machine last. And I feel like I am in terminal stage cancer.