i was looking at my contact list again and i saw Huikhing was on the line. i haven't see her on the line for quite a while, probably busy with her studies and all. i knew instantly that she has got to know about my problem because she's in the same field and i want to know of her opinion. first, i told her of the a serious matter i want to share with her. then, before i am able to tell what it is about, the line went haywire. i tried to reconnect but failed. so she made the call. she actually called me. i was a little surprised and touched to know that people actually care and take me seriously. so, i called her back and told her everything from the beginning.
of all the people that i have seek advice from, she was the only one that suddenly make me changed my mind, a little. listening to her stories and analysis for me made me actually changed my mind for unknown reason but i know that i have to rethink about it and not so quick to run into such vital decision making. i wasn't sure whether it's because i am naive and immature but i know that i have to move on. this is not the time yet for me to quit. i have to hang on until i am not able to move on/failing the examination. now, i did pass right. so, move on. don't aim so high because different people have different ability. i may have work hard but not working right. for those high achievers that scored great results, i should have known that they must have been working harder than i am to get rewarded. so, who am i? i have limitation. so, as long as i have done my best, that's all i can achieve, be it. it's not about academically to be a good doctor. Huikhing said, we could learn from practices and practical and clinical years. it's too early for me to quit now because i still have a long way to go. let see how things go first for the next few years. i can learn from experiences during my clinical years. well, i maybe sucks at theory but who knows that i am good at practical. i have to do what i can to make sure that i don't miss out all that. she also thinks that it's really a waste if i give up now. it is really a waste. hundreds are fighting for it and i, out of sudden, a doctor wannabe get it so i just have to appreciate this opportunity until i see the results. *she even includes that not all doctors are smart. yea. i almost miss that out. i suddenly have the urge to heal. to hold a stethoscope in my hand. to hold a scapel. to see how heart beats. to see a child birth and everything miracles. she's my saint today.
then, mum called. she went to temple for prayers and stuffs. and i got to know that i am on the right track. i am and i have to move on to make it a success. this is probably the one obstacles i have to face in my life. she said that i have been born into a lucky family. quite true and make sense. i think i always get what i want since young. i mean, there are others who have to fight harder but things have been a little smooth and easy for me. so, this is the test i have to endure. i really have. i need to go to the temple. i need some serenity and peace in me.
i think i will be looking forward to not aim so high but to take things easy and not stress myself out because life actually has so much more to offer. i want to cure, at least one patient. i want to do appendectomy or splenectomy and to witness a child birth. no. i want to feel the first touch of life on my hands. have that in mind. i have been lucky. i just have to move on because this is right for me.
gah. i need the rest. i cant compose any better. i have so much more to say. the conclusion is that i want to continue. =)
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