in my bed

i was looking at the contact list, looking for someone to chat with since my day is filled with emptiness, like always. chat with Faye and Woon. actually i have been eager to let my brother know my adversity too but he seems busy so i just let it be. i want to know people's opinion. it's really nice to share out my problem. though, i feel guilty for letting them worry. well, of course it won't affect them much but the problem lingers. is it a selfish act? i just need to know solution for my problem.

although many seem to oppose my idea, i don't seem to have a slight change in my mind but it becomes intense as days gone by. i don't know whether it's the longing for home, it's the losing of faith in myself or whatever it is. nobody really knows why i make the decision. but i do appreciate that they are trying to convince me to move on because it would be a stupid act but i couldn't care more.

spending the day doing nothing but lying on bed, browsing the net looking for options i have if i am to quit. it seems like a dead end. another day is going to fill with emptiness.