many times, i woke up from my deep slumber and the next thing i thought to myself is that, gee, i am still alive and my life goes on, as usual. many times, before i went to sleep, i tend to wonder whether it is going to be a long long deep sleep or the next second i open my eyes, things change and i have a different kind of life to live. like magical. like a movie. if only i am the director.
so, i am still going to continue dreading my life as an indifferent medical student. i have gone through my greatest breakdown a couple of weeks back and looking back, it really startled me of why i am so intense and aggressive that particular time. and i feel as if a little part of me still feel that way, which is no good. i thought i have already make u my mind. yes true. but still, i am still hoping that one day someone offers me a different kind of life and with guarantee that i am going to be happy.
now, i am here alone, broken, abandon. no. this is life. somehow, i have to leave home and be independent. i don't even know what i want with my life anymore.
among the things that i have to bear in mind or rather the lessons that i learnt throughout the short break is that happy or not, my life has to move on. i have to know how to let go and that nothing is permanent. (true love is i suppose!) i miss my family so much now. the pain i have to bear, bidding farewell. i don't want to grow up now. remember when we were young and always thought to ourselves how we wish we could grow old faster and see what's outside there? now, i am torn between going back to the past or traveling to the future. i really need to stop the time.
can't even love my life now i can only say i am contented and grateful for what i have.
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