the first English class was so odd. there wasn't any lectures but it was just the same old mundane routine in which we were having ice-breaking, introducing ourselves and all. inevitably, we had to answer the same old question again which is why are we taking medicine. duh. there were 24 people in my class. some of them were like having a long talking of why medicine is their choice. it was like going on and on and on and on. though, i must admit that a few of them did touch my heart. i wasn't sure whether it is okay to share it here because it was of others' conflicts and i have just learn not to just blurt out everything, exposing others' private matter without having their consents. blogging should have its limitation too. as for me. duh. it was just so simple. there is a solid reason behind it. i don't feel like attracting attraction, i am not trying to impress and all. from my observation, those who gives a long speech did manage to get Miss N's attention. duh. whatever. nonetheless, being a doctor, we have got to know to express ourselves, having good relationship with everyone and all. but, whatever for me. it wasn't at the right time, right place i guess.
i was saying it was odd because *sigh* it had somehow demotivate me from striving towards my goal. i thought that i have ponder upon those obstacles to face and think thoroughly about my choice and prepared fully for it. however, when listening to others, well some of them, i feel like i am just a nobody. they have so much more of passion than i am. i am starting to question myself that i choose medicine because of House. yeah. i know that House plays an important role but that is not it is all about. i choose medicine of interest, of curiosity, of helping people. the challenges behind it drive me further i guess. i want to solve mind-boggling cases. i want to prove that i too, can. but my course mates are driven by their own overwhelming passion in helping the public. they want to serve the community wholeheartedly. they have a mission. a promise to their loved ones. a journey of discovery. they are more determined and stronger than i am. what am i then?
i did a good deed today. i wasn't sure whether i was being deceived or anything but whatever. i was with my friends having brunch at McDonald in Bukit Bintang. i got the wrong order in which i bought an extra bowl of porridge and a cup of fresh orange. i did tell the cashier that i want a bowl of chicken porridge and a cup of tea. i even gestured one finger. one. is she blind or deaf or something? there was a serious miscommunication there. the same thing happened to my friends in which they too having problem telling them their orders. gee. i was quite upset with her. so, i just have to take it since i already paid for it. i did sense something wrong before i realized that she got me the wrong order because it was expensive for just porridge and tea.
then, we were approached by a man in his late 40 i think. he was speaking in Cantonese and i did understand it. then, he spoke in English. then Mandarin. He actually needed some donation because he had been diagnosed with HIV and nobody is to hire him and that he is sort of having difficulty in his life. i sat rooted on the chair without knowing my next move. HIV. damn. there are like red dotted wounds or something pimple look alike on his hollow cheeks. and my friends were like telling him we are just students too. i was quite reluctant to give him money because how much could i give him. besides, what if he snatch my wallet. there are things to consider and analysis even if it is just a simple good deed. thus, after a short discussion, i gave him the porridge. he subsided. took it gratefully and finished it. then, as we watched over him, he did actually drink from the sink water. i think that i did the right thing. he must has living a harsh life. nonetheless, i am still wondering about it. anyone could be a bad guy. what if he runs out of his mind and hurt me and i too get infected. gee. what a day.
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