it was Huidi's birthday and we have a small party for her. we were having BBQ and enjoyed it so much ever since we went to Ban Suan at Wakaf Bharu which is a Korean BBQ Restaurant. i love Tim Meng so much because he is so clever and cute. it's so much fun talking to him. if you are telling him "Tim Ming naughty boy.", he will answer "Tim Ming clever boy." and if you insist on telling him that he's naughty, he will get furious and start shouting and hitting as he likes. Asking "How are you?". there will be a cute reply of "Fine, thank tiu(you)". it's so much fun having him around though he is a little active and he likes taking pictures with his signature peace sign. V^^V Happy Birthday again Di! i don't know what to write about you but i love you!
i start to feel anxious and fear of what the future would bring. suddenly, i am granted what i have always wanted and it is still surreal to me and i feel so close to His presence because my prayers have been answered. and i am scared. i suddenly feel like i don't want it anymore but i know that i would be whining of my plight if things are to fail me again but this time, everything is coming so fast and sudden and i need to catch a breath. Mummy said that koko is responsible of taking care of me. Gasp. we don't even talk. i don't know whether it's me or what but i find it hard to communicate with him. i sometimes don't get what he's saying. it was slurred at times and subtle and there are misunderstanding and i am a little bit scared of him because he could get irked in split second. i am so dead this time. i could really take care of everything by myself this time.
today is father's day. i rang Daddy and Pup in the morning and wish them through phone but later when pup is back, i am going to say the same thing again. i did deliberately sounds anxious acting as if something bad has happened when i get to connect to Pup and later acknowledge it as a prank. tee-hee. it is for the sake of fun. bro bought a cake just now and i guess that there's going to be a simple celebration. last night, i watched a Malay movie and did actually have tears stubbornly jostling in my eyes. and there was a large heavy uncomfortable lump in my throat that it hurts. i feel really thankful, grateful, sympathized, helpless and inspired. the list goes on. it was so jumbled up. i don't know what was it. i really want to thank my fathers for their love and their presence. they have done so many for me that child could have asked for and i have only done so little for them as what a father could have ever deserved. there are so many things to ponder upon like poverty, old-age and love. there are so many unfortunate people and what could i do to help them for at least a day. what have they done wrong to receive such a punishment or plight. i do believe in karma though because that's the only things that i make myself believe that life does make sense. i do admit that i could be stingy sometimes but it's the problem that i have to serve for my family first and i don't think that what i possess now is adequately for everyone because all i get is from them too. i need to earn with my own sweats and blood and only then i could really think helping with no boundaries.
again, Happy Father's Day!
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