Life 's too short gotta live it long

Damn. I think I suddenly fall for a friend's boyfriend. :O no worries, it will go away.

Hahaha. That's probably the most bitchy and Inappropriately stupid statement I have ever made. Gawd. Valentines day which is also equivalent as Single awareness day keep me thinking about my definition of boyfriend n having a relationship with someone.

I think my ideal kind of boyfriend would be S! No kidding. Recently just found out that s is the only one who shared common interest n mutual gaganess with me! I feel like sharing everything with her! however, often feel like an annoyance so i just let it pass. :D no offense to others please. :P

I'm just too stressed up about the coming neurosciences exam. Duh. N somehow, cortisol fluctuation leads me to these. -.- just try to be naught, and " bitchy". I have to voice it out somehow.

And this lead me to my another dilemma which is that I find that I always let opportunities slip from my hand. Never ever once try get hold tightly of any open opportunities butto just let it pass by which is a real pain n remorse reflecting back.

Anyway, relating the missed opportunities to boys, should I find someone I kindof like, should I make the move n just tell? U know, they say that life's short.

The more I try to explain myself, the more horny n desperate it sounds ryt?

let's take a walk

so nice talking to mum and having mum to explain the real intuition and insight of life, or rather based on her view; although i was just acting dumb, deliberately playing ignorance of all the important and undebatable facts, truths and values. i have always look up to mum, wishing that she could actualy be my REAL best friend forever, though she already is but something is missing. there are still a lot we never talk about. it would be so damn awesome if my mum knows One Direction, Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy, Avril Lavigne n all that sillily awesome stuffs. And several other sillily serious stuffs.

and yes. she is the one i proudly admit that i've grown to love each day more and more if that's even possible. so God, i love this woman so much. more than words can articulate. help her by helping me too will ya?

sometimes, i dont even understand where does all her strength and unceasing faith on me comes from. it concurrently brings more stress and burden on me knowing how much and how many people care for me. but, come walk in my shoes with me, anyone?

#sometimes it's worthy to be a psychopath rather than having these feelings

time after time

i am really happy today to see how the one that i care about and love wholeheartedly is able to move on after a few episodes of difficulties. it really warms my heart. well, even if i am not sure if everything is just an illusion, an effort in trying to mask the still-unforgettable-past, i dont really mind because now, at least i wont see words around telling the world how miserable life has been.

that's it! you fall, pick yourself up and live life again, with colors. i am probably too hostile and too judgemental previously because i am not the one who succumb to such situation, with the heartaches and all so who was i to judge. no. of course i am so used to be a damsel in distress, but just not the same kind of distress. well, time definitely proves that it's the best medicine and remedy ever after. some people needs less while some need more. eventually, we are all going to get thru all the miseries and being revive again, as a whole new and better person.

It's a god test

I just don't think it's okay to mock others' belief practice. even if they can't choose to born in which kind of environment n upbringing, hence "unfortunately" aren't not even able to choose what to believe, many still have faith n adhere to it because somehow it make sense to them. So, don't doubt them. Even if they are trying their best to give "preacher" and trying to make it sensible to us, we should have just listened.

Feeling bad because we are interacting with each other everyday. Isn't it hypocrite to have friends of different belief n yet talking behind their back like that? Please.

#reflect on ur self before judging others

black star

i am overwhelmingly excited for the coming Avril Lavigne Black Star Concert! i really do. but i am just keeping cool about it as people are asking about it whenever they see me. i would go like 'yeah...it's on 18th feb'. keeping a smile on my face but inside i was like 'gawdddddd. stop asking please. (i regret for posting in facebook. basically, it's like telling the world already') isnt it obvious wth fb n all? gee. feeling a tad of disgust, of myself n perhaps the pretentiously-curious one for just boringly starting a chit-chat session.

the only weird thing about it is that whenever i think of attending it, it just feel blank and lost. i dont know what to expect, what to do, because first and foremost, it would be my first presence on an international artist concert n secondly, it is my all time favourite idol ever! DOUBLE EXCITEMENT!

it's really hard for me to explain how i feel about avril. she has been the one that i listen to (gah not really nowadays but i still love the songs!), the one i look forward to heard from, the updates, her recent news and stuffs. and i have been listening to her for years, since her debut. i have seen her in pictures, videos and to be able to be seeing her live, experiencing the same ambience, breathing in the same air, just standing within her 100 metres perimeter is pretty surreal for me n unfathomable. i cant even explain how i feel so much connected to her since day 1.

If/Then

"what if one little thing i said or did, could have made it all fall apart?

what if i've chosen another life for myself or another person?

we might have never found each other.

what if i've been raised differently?", Meredith Grey or in this very episode Meredith Webber.

the latest episode of grey's anatomy, If/Then is just so awesome. i love it cuz of the title and the message it's trying to convey though seeing how the characters are paired up is a little unacceptable for me. but in the end, we all get it that it's trying to say no matter how things progress differently from the very first choice you made, eventually, at the end, you will end up with your true destiny. quote Alex Carev n Mandy Bailey : You create your own destiny! darn. the shows make me laugh so much. how could you not love it!

Meredith's opening line just blew me away! it was exactly what i have been thinking all these time! What if. see. people think about it all the time. i'm not the only one who thinks too much. miss gypsy is right about almost everything. i just think too much sometimes and the consequence is that it dampen my spirits. yea. i admit it that i've been (and always will be) thinking so much because how could i not, looking at the way how things do not work out the way i want it to be. looking at the outcomes. you just have to doubt it anyhow.

Masterchef in the making

I actually love cooking! Just that I am lazy sometimes for the need to wash N clean up afterwards, don't mind the preparation which includes chopping, tossing n all. I just don't like to play with water.

Growing up, used to have a bizillion of ambition. One day I was like, hey I want to be a pilot. Another, I want to be a model. Next, I want to be an architect n then, u just wish u could marry off a millionaire, going around the world without a carme of how u going to fence for ur self in the future. Yet, having an ambition n choosing a career isn't all about the income it's going to generate but the joy in doing so. Thinking about what you want to do for the decades to come. You've got to find what u love.

I find a lot of fun cooking. It has insidiously become a part of my hobbies n a mean for me to unwind myself from doing what I don't like to do. In addition, the moment you get to indulge in Ur own tastilicious cooking is just priceless. (I actually think the tomyam I make is really not bad. Delicious. Wink. Of course it won't beat the one serves in reputable restaurants but I really like mine. Boastful much?)