Almost sober

I was on the 13th floor(I stay on a17th floor apartment though), standing straight, two upper limbs resting on the balcony wall and looked down for 10 seconds, picturing what's it like to jump from there. I saw the reflection of buildings in the pool below. It was so quiet. Although its a huge condominium with at least 200 units around, I couldn't hear any voice or see any shadows of people.

I took my time to take in the moment, trying to rest my congested and tired mind. Taking deep breathe in and out. Realize that it actually wasn't that hard to take some quality time to ease myself after a long day of work. And realize that there's more to life. I shouldn't keep myself lock in the solitude of my room too much thinking nonsense and bring in the negative energy in me.

I did take a long time to grieve and to accept the way inverse works in which you could never be on top or in comfortable spot all the time. I just learn on how to deal with loss, failure and devastation. Sure, it wasn't an easy one. I was emotionally touched and I did cry a little watching Racheal Crow in X factor who had just been voted out. I know how she feels like. Things happen too sudden. She just collapsed on the floor after the announcement. I know how it feels like. Just want to reach out for her telling everything will be fine because I too have been there before and now I am still living my life, gratefully.

I just wish that the ne year will bring more joy and luck for me. And I really need to learn to let go.