it's not your fault

finally get myself sick after too much of resting. it is really tormenting. it feels like i am half way to hell yet one of my feet is still stuck on planet Earth. when nights crawl in, it was the worse nightmares ever. every fiber of my being was shivering, in cold. and i was beyond exhausted. waking up feeling like i had been hit by a truck, having to drag my bodies everywhere. and i laid back on the couch watching my series.

then, it was a high time to go for a visit at the most dreaded place on earth ever since i was a kid-the clinic. when i told the ladies at the counter of my number/pass code or whatsoever it is, identification number sounds better i reckon, they were flabbergasted. i know. the last time i was there is like 10 years ago. 2001 as my eyesight is still function-able. i saw that from the patient record card. and if i am not mistaken that was when i got some minor allergic or probably just harmless rashes as the prescription was just Calamine lotion.

and at the end of the day, it was a free of charge consultancy.

the questions have been really hard for me to answer. among the reasons for me to hate holidays is that i would meet up with people and they would be asking the million dollar question which is how's life. How is life. right. so, i would be expecting myself to say life's okay, good sure. i mean, the questioner wouldn't have intended to hear me whining about how i wish there was a second road taken or a detour because sometimes i dont even know if i want to move on, by asking that question. it was just a simple simply phrase question after all. maybe i am the only one who is taking it seriously. but frankly, there's a lot to it.

i wouldn't deny that i still have interest in gaining more knowledge on medicine. the problem is that i don't take the initiation to fully apply it and bear it in mind. it was all just in my short term memory. i am really frustrated at myself sometimes. Well, the doctor i was consulting today was the first one ever asked me if i regret doing medicine, my answer is yes. i would say yes all the time. Would i quit it before i completely my studies, securing a MD, definitely no. i would not quit until the dean kicks me out of his precious faculty.