faking

now i feel like im back to my primary school again. i can still recall when i was in standard 3, i dont know what had happened to me as i dreaded to go to school. there was once i had my father walked me to class and carry my bag and all just to get his attention. i think i even fake my chest pain. i dont know if it was real back then.

i dont feel like going back to my student life! but the difference now is i am very well aware of the reason why i dread it so much. the difference is my father wouldnt be there anymore to take care of me.

there are so many things running in my mind. i have been googling nonsense stuffs and options. i am really depressed now. nobody can help me. God help hose who help themselves?! yeah right. i dont think i can even help myself out from the mess.

dont always tell me to go on, move on with my life. i have to take some time to analyze and think over about the decision and step to put forward. and i am so regret over the passed few years for the biggest and arrogant move i had made which turns out to be a misery and definitely a huge mistake ever. dont ask me to put myself 20 years forward because i just know this aint my calling anymore. shrug. i really dont feel like giving a damn anymore.