First chapter

'You cant connect the dots looking forward; You can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that the dots are somehow connect to your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leaves you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference'. after watching the video playing Steve Job giving a speech on a commencement at Stanford a few years ago, he has instantly became my idol. after all, success doesn't come easily for most of the prominent figures in the world. they had gone thru so much of bitter hardships so what am i compare to them? so, i will learn hard to not to try to connect the dots forward and asking blindly where on earth could these had lead me to. it was always dark pitch cuz it will only lighten if i brace thru it and walk thru the path. i should take things positively cuz nobody's God. nobody knows what the future will bring. instead, i believe that when i look backwards in the future, i will get all the answers that i've been questioning myself incessantly. truth is that i am getting really tired of it because it occupied a major part of my mind, life and i am constantly emotionally and physically drained by it.

i haven't been regularly updating my journal. it's just getting monotonous because every time i feel like inscribing something here, it was always of something melancholy. the wonders, the questions, the thoughts, the same old opinions. i have been procrastinate a lot lately. and today, while i was streaming an episode of House on the net, it happens to be related to a patient who writes blog online of her daily journal. well, she has definitely went off the boundaries that i set for myself. she wrote almost every little details of her life, the conversation and so on. well, that's all on her free wills to do that. i just choose to write on important things that came across my mind. my sudden thoughts, opinions and feeling, like my 'First Chapter' at this particular moment. A couple of weeks ago, i was trying to get back home and it turned vain, twice. Twice. what does that indicate? of course i did feel frustrated, angst and i did cry out, in silence. and it was painful. after i cant reach my Mum, i rang Papa instead. that's when the tears came. and we talked a lot that time. i put different parties to be blamed for the sudden change of timetable that ruined my plan. but what difference does it make. the best is to just take it as a lesson and i will not question it anymore. till yesterday, i finally realize that the sudden urge to go back and the incept that i have to go back for the 'extended' weekend is because my father's having his 50th birthday. but at the end, i totally forgot about it. and that's how i connect the dots backwards. for the subtly obscure events that took place. it happened for a reason.