ugly

i could not bear to think of what the future would bring. i do not even dare to predict, to put a hope, to expect anything if i really have a good future ahead.

i am so scared. i need someone to tell me that everything will turn out fine, all right, okay. that i need not to worry much about anything or everything and i just have to live the present to the fullest. but i could not. fear engulfed me whenever my thought switch to the inexplicable and volatile future. that someone, has to be God.

i don't know how i would react to it. i am really really scared to face it. i have already encouraged myself to face among the toughest moments in my life but i think what would happen next is more rugged. i don't know whether i have any courage and determination left to face whatever the future would bring. it is going to be ugly and i don't want to face it. i mean, if i know beforehand how it would be, at least, i would have time to prepare for it. i would brace myself. but now, with an empty mind and soul, as much as i want it to be bright and lively, i am so worried of the gloomy and disastrous outcome. yes. i could and i am expecting for the worst but i am again too stubborn to admit the mistakes. i just could not take it when everything that i work for turns futile and to no avail.