independence no more

On the verge of celebrating the 55th independent day.

At The end of second week of my OnG posting. 

I just notice that I've only managed to blog once this month, and this would be the last for this month. So many things have happened within four weeks' time and so many new thoughts and ideas have propagated from my daily observation and endurance. 

Well, I am going to only revise through the important historical event; the very first live birth witnessed with my naked eyes. It was miraculous! Well, could not really articulate how it was because no adjective fit. I am forever grateful and thankful and I definitely love and respect my mum more than ever. I salute all the mothers out there who have the courage to undergo that unfathomable labor pain and whatsoever else they were experiencing to give a new life. 

Secondly, I might die young and I might develop stress complications as well as other stress related medical problems from my hectic and stressful lifestyle. I am forever exhausted from the daily chores. I am a little remorse. I am very stressful. 

Thirdly, i burden myself with my frustration over the coming independent day celebration. When I first heard the slogan and logo, I was totally flabbergasted and was left agape later let out a sinister and sarcastic smile! Whenever people mention about it, what more with the theme songs and preposterous lyrics it has, I have to admit that this country, the government of this Country has gone real wrong and terrible. Can u not relate political stuffs and the significant of independent in order to propagandize your political appraisal for the imminent election in the coming month? Killing two birds with one stone? But how could a whole cabinet and ur so called intelligent and competent army not critised the selection of that slogan or is it your own idea? When People look back in ten years time, this is going to be a real laughing stock. For example, when u attend a history class or other civic classes and have to discuss bout it, and they just have to skip pver 2012 because u say not to bring political issue into school and university campus? Wtf?! How r u going to define *fulfilled promise* (literally translate) as all that r congested in my mind r political propaganda! all those years I was critisising over the mundane theme and slogan which never bring any excitement and creativity but to only circulate about integration And unity and progression of country stuffs. So they have finally decided to come out with something different this year which is really 'unique' and astoudingly rdiculous and I am now pretty disappointed with myself over my criticism for the last few years because they have obviously did a better job and that is what and how it is supposed to be. Words that articulate and justify as well as integrate the significant of independent in the young and old generations with our own interpretations but still everyone comes out with the same conclusion at the end of the day. Unity, peace with development progression. I love my independent now that I am free to write my thought here, free to sit on this chair and free to have a good night sleep later. 

hall of fame

i love watching talented people whether it's on screen, for reality shows or in any competitions.

just spent my last day before the mid semester break watching Step Up Revolution and dancing never fails to amazed me. i remembered having tears in my eyes again. i normally only get emotional watching movie and tv series alone. and i found that i enjoy doing most of that alone.

i love watching dancing even though i wasnt genetically programmed to dance! i love singing knowing that i cant sing, beautifully, having the voice that stiffen up one's soul or leaving an audience astounded  and earn a standing ovation. these flaws however never stop me from watching any dance shows or singing competition because a big part of me somehow wish that i could someday brace myself and walk up an international stage, fulfill my dream to touch everyone's heart with my talent. i want to hear Simon's precious compliment and his priceless mesmerized face. sadly, i wasnt born with these artistic talents!

i know that some work very hard for it. they go for dancing and singing classes. or some drawing class. however, i personally think that something is meant to be born with talent. they need not learn the skills but rather born naturally with it. it's a gift! therefore, i never even bother to attend these classes partly because i am not very serious about it or very determined. maybe, someday, something strike me and ring a bell inside that i am inspired to do something different. just maybe.

i love watching sports too and Olympics is the hot topic at the moment. there are so many things to learn from it. i never know a thing about any kind of sports or how the games are played. i never know the rules and regulations or the scoring check board for it. however, i can only conclude that every athletes are there for one purpose; they are putting their best foot forwards to do what they do best and are highly motivated to change their life. they do it for themselves, the pride and success and also for the country. not forget to mention to spot cute hawt hunks on screen!

these people taught me a lot of things. they are really good in what they are doing. and it seems like they are going to do it for a long time. they are successful and the pride of their respective country. i am constantly inspired by these people.

slumdog's story

is it even possible that one's moved to tears while watching the opening ceremony of olympics? there are a few elements in there that just twisted the on button of my tear duct and start sending shivers down my spine as a warning sign that an unlikely storm is coming. no. it was just a little tear jerking moment. i am touched by how the organizer is able to gather the bizillion people together as one to deliver such great performance, though i know that critics start surfacing within first half an hour of the telecast yet i have to give an applaud to Danny Boyle. Mr Beans totally stole and own the show. And i wish that they did a longer Queen's medley. :) and One Direction's rumor to perform on the closing ceremony. OMG. too much to take in?!

besides that it just brought me to the past, 4 years ago to be precise. Time passed so swift that 4 years do make a lot of difference yet there are a couple of things that are still the same. To start with, 4 years ago, i was just another high school goer, at that point still struggling to adapt to the new curriculum and new subjects at school. Still dwell in my own la-la wonderland on becoming a performer or do music or sort because since very young i always thought being famous is cool. you wear pretty dress, you have gorgeous hair and people recognized you and you have a bunch of money. that seems to be the only purpose i have in life. nonetheless, thats not all that i want. i want to do architecture, i want to serve in the air, i have so many different ambition that somehow i dont know why it all boils down to that coveted Dr which is cool in the eyes of other but it was a long and miserable journey.    

furthermore, i am more sad to think about those money spent on the event. -.- it's irrelevant but money matters really bother me so much recently. feel like joining the stock exchange market or broker or something to start earning some. i still have the young billionaire dream burning inside!

Conversation I don't want to miss

There was once a conversation that went like this,
Mum: have u ever really thought of what u want to be in the future? U have decided aren't u?
Me : no. Not really. I used to want to be a doctor but it doesn't fit anymore. I can't bare to see the pain. The empathy is killing me inside.
Mum: huh?
Me : all I know now is I want to earn a lot of money. Which profession earn the most? Any idea? U know, I notice that some people were born really rich. Have u seen the Hollywood people? Or those in the Ciral, they lived in mansion, have fancy sport cars, wear branded stuffs. How the hell did they have that much money? And I am thinking of doing business. Like daddy n Momma.
Mum: larrrr. Business can't guarantee a great success. There are risks to take. Furthermore, it's not easy to establish one. Being a doctor is more stable. U have a guaranteed job and u can help theele in needs. When else r u going to find tme doing goods? Isn't it like killing two birds with one stone.
Me: yeah mum. I know. It's a noble job but it freaks me out a little for the past few days at the hospital exposure programme.
Mum: it's okay. U have to think optimistically. Think of he pain as a mean to alleviate their further agony! It's not like the doctor cutting off the dead tissue is going to kill her, it's for her good. For better healing. U will be fine if u think that way. It's not even harming her.
Me: hmmmm. Okay. But doctors have fixed income. Unless u work in private institutions or u have a phd and u r a famous well known world recognized surgeon then I bet I can make bizillion. Yet, I don't think I will be able to do that. I haven't really thought that far. Let alone I haven't even get to enroll in med school.
Mum: well. It's not about money at all dear. The money can't buy u karma or anything.
Me: but mum, isn't it nice to have uncountable money? U can spend on whatever things that u like without having to think thrice. See how those people in the tv or magazines! They are like super rich weh. I still think business is good. Or actuarial science. I don't know.furthermore, when u have the rolling of money every single second, u can use it to help those who needs it. When u r the boss, u can have free time, go to see the world, the children in poor countries and lend them a helping hand. Isn't that the same?
Mum: I still think medicine is the best. For a girl. Business is like more on boys thing. U'll never know what will happen. What if u have no employment and all those. And nobody in the family knows anything bout business.
Me: okay. I will reconsider it.

This happened ages ago. And recently, it keeps on lingering in my mind. The past keeps haunting me and no matter how far I try to distract myself with other things, it keeps on coming back. Now that I am inscribing it down over here. I suppose I am going to remember it for a while. For life maybe, for it is one of the most life-changing conversation I ever had. And it's still lingering and buzzering in my head all the time. Whenever I'm feeling a little bit depressed and upset doing what I would be doing because I always reflect back to a second choice that I am not supposed to be thinking at this stage. Even though I promised myself to keep the positive energy, I couldn't restrict myself from throwing my congested mind into something I thought would be magical and truly 'life changing' if I just act now.

Is this always been my dream? So near yet so far.

I need a doctor

Okay. Having yet another informative and inspiring wardround with the consultant n registrars! I am again inspired by everyday people. These r people who just make u want to strive hard and work hard and study for your own sake, for others because knowledge is the ultimate key in medicine besides the equally vital bedside manner n compassion.

However, I was carried away, daydreaming in my very own the-secret way, attracting positive energy hoping to get an already qualified and knowledgable as well as passionate doctor-boyfriend. Okay. It was the exhaustion effect. I think too much . But seriously it would be nice to find someone who is willing to help u with ur study. TT

The show is down

I am having a hard time and melancholically getting over the fact that My favourite dance crew, PEZ did not win the champion of showdown 2012. I had so much confidence in them because week in week out, I had been watching the show and it's undeniable that they have the most creative idea, the most clean and tight dance move, the most exciting choreography and needless to say, they just outshine all the other competing crews. However, as the shows progress, I noticed that SoulGang started to pick up and I personally feel that this two teams are the real battle to watch as SG does give an awesome show! It is really disheartening when Hafiz announced the winner. I think it's stupid how ShowDown management make it a solely voting system and by judging on the battle between the last two still standing crews! It's preposterous weih. what happens to all the votes that goes into their production account? What happens to the last seven days votes as it seems that the only key point to be champion is by judging on which crew got the hogging vote for that four minutes battle? Dafuq?! Anyway, we never know if that's even the real results. In short, I am frustrated with the organiser. I am disappointed with he results because I truly believe that PEZ deserves it so much more since the very first week and how we arch them improve and sharpen their skill as well as redefine their moves and steps that make a super uber dope show that left you gaping and go OMG when the beats stop. I can't even remember which week did DLM came up with something that it struck in my mind and lingering around because at least SG did and I have to agree that they outshone PEZ on a couple shows. Lastly, I am proud that my cousin had been a part of PEZ and had work hard to put on so many amazingly breathtaking show for us! They are the champion in my heart and I believe so in many other Malaysians. Besides, who said the best will always get champion? Look at the other reality shows in the states, UK or Australia. It's like a curse.

The secret

It's the beginning of third week. I have seen a lot for the past two weeks which also marks the very beginning of my lifelong hospital life, of course unless I choose to not practice medicine after graduation. However, if the one month basic clinical introductory orientation like thing is taken into account on my embarkment of this nobel with a tad of ugliness profession, I have been here for one and a half month which felt like eternity because weekdays drag on too long and the hospital life is exhausting like a eight hour straight pushup and eight hour more swimming and followed by another 8 hours of heavy weight lifting. Is this the so called stressful life I have been enduring and lead to my irregular menses ? Could be. It still bothers me so much as it feels like I am not a lady with a vagina and properly functioning ovaries but why gives me breasts and girl-like feature in which I couldn't even have the once a month girl thing. Haha. Seriously. Asking for it cause I don't want to get any side effects from it especially the weight gain issue. I try to live my life as positive as possible! Starting my day with positive thoughts and having it chanting inside my mind. It's like the law of attraction. I am working on it when I stumbled across a video the other day on The Secret. It claims that some people are successful because of that secret. And it is none other than having a positive thinking and mindset. It works like magnet. You have to want and only think about positive and good things such as : I am going to have a great day at school/work. Instead of 'Please don't make my life miserable at work and school today.' it's like phrasing a positively correct sentence that makes the big difference. I am going to pass my exam instead of don't let me fail my exam! Some even said that you can write in on paper on daily basis and may the attraction of the universe does the work. It's really interesting because I was connecting it to religion practice. People pray to their respective God and 'asked' for things. Many times, we see how Grateful they are when God granted their wishes and answered their prayers. So is that how The Secret works? Or those believe in The Secret are atheist instead and only believe in their own self and their own mind as mind over matters! Basically trying to live everyday life by abiding to the secret too. I need to attract good things and emit positive energy and vibe! my doctors are going to have favor on me and therest of the team of course. I am going to pass my exam. I am going to go thru my hospital life happily! I am going to be fine! I am going to be energetic tomorrow! God bless.