Omen

i have a bad feeling about everything.

i have been laughing a lot lately, i have been very happy, and i am showered with joy. where ever i go, whatever i touch, who ever i meet, i have been putting on a smile, laughing out loud about silly jokes and everything just seems so very funny that i could not suppress my annoying laughters.

and these bizarre excitement is so going to boil down to one crucial obnoxious event on this coming Tuesday(18th). my result. shit. i almost forget about it.

i thought i did pretty well, not really well but it was way way way better than the previous one in which i left half of the paper for Maths and Chemistry undone. Or, maybe i did write down things but hell yeah, i was sure that none of those was the answer. and voila! i get what i want but don't really think i deserve for something that i have no confident to answer at all.

and the second final examination was like way off better and it is kind of pleasing yet concerns me at the same freaking time. what if everyone else was doing better and everyone else are like scoring almost full marks leaving no blunders and mistakes? then, i am very sure that i will never be in that category and i won't be able to top the list.

bless me.

general

i thought that i am able to keep my i don't-give-a-damn feeling because i have been telling myself to stay carefree. it didn't really last.

before the break of dawn, Pup woke me and Mum sent me to the temple to do a little offering and get some blessing from the divine before i headed for the interview in the late afternoon. When the Master just finished his recitation of a chant that i was not really familiar with, all i could feel was an inexplainable feeling of calmness and peace. i suddenly felt so grateful and thankful and complete overwhelmed. Of course, i left still feeling blessed and thankful for everything and it is still within me, here and now.

then, i slept off the whole afternoon Pup woke me up again. i was shocked to find that it's almost time. Took some time for preparation and off we left for USM. and then Pup left. for the whole two hours there, i felt like an orphanage. the other candidates were accompanied by their family, willing to wait for them for the whole day and i had nobody there. Not that i care much but i had to left my bag for Weinie's mum because the officers kind of advice those with "big" and "heavy" bag to left it with their family as we are about to endure quite a distance to the tutorial rooms for interview. Well, there was seriously no time to feel shy and embarrass about meeting people, asking for a favour and all so i just braced myself and hand my damn bag to Aunty. Thanks a lot Aunt!

then, it was all about waiting. we are divided into several big groups and lead to the tutorial rooms to be interviewed at different time. The officer lead us along the quiet hallway and it reminds me of Children of Men, i don't know why. i guess it's due to the feeling that we were a bunch of people and we were heading somewhere foreign and we were anticipated of what lied ahead and to me, it would lead to nothing heaven or paradise but a long hour of questioning.

then, it was all waiting again. i started to feel anxious and nervous about the whole thing. Of course, i want to give my best because it's an open opportunity. i can't suppress it anymore as much as i want to. started to pray. it was finally me.

Well, there are two interviewers and surprisingly, only one was doing the questioning. Queer to me. The other, looking more professional and experienced, i presumed that it's because of his thick horn-rimmed glasses made me felt like he's more superior, sat there like a statue and barely even looking at my way, or even listening. i was pretty frustrated with that. Then, all the questions to me were rather general and expected than tricky and challenging. i would say that i am quite satisfy with everything but there were flaws too, of course. i speaked very limited national language and pardon me for that. i don't see it as a problem, it's just a little hard for me to put words together and voicing in on the spot. so, i guess i did badly for the answering in Malay sessions.

overall, i am pretty proud of myself today. able to endure the day without parents around like what the others have (leaving me feel like nobody cares for some time) and i am managed to answer without too much doubts and i can handle. yet, i feel different because it wasn't like how the others experienced. They have more challenging and interesting questions. Maybe, they don't even have the intention to test me so there are no point questioning me further.

oh, and i drove today! oh, it's okay to not secure a place! it's not the end of the world and the are a lot of advantages to study somewhere capital area. i seriously have been doing the thorough thinking.

should i give a damn?

i feel like i don't want to give a damn about the whole thing anymore.

a second thought crosses my mind for so many times and keeps me wondering.

it feels as if everything i have worked for and planned ahead are so going to fall out of its track, falling into pieces and it's probably due to my immature and less likely thorough thinking before making that vital decision.

i am so dead.

complication

i have been busy lately for there are a lot of troubles popping out after i get to know that i am one of the lucky applicants who get to be shortlisted for USM interview for medicine course.

first of all, i left my certificates for numerous examinations during matriculation which are needed for the coming interview at Aunt's house and thank God now the box with all the certificates and other documents are now safely returned to the land of Kelantan yesterday by bus service. it is really frustrating because i have once again troubled people, especially Aunt T.Malim and Momma and Mummy and everyone that cares.

next comes the endless anxiety for the interview because i am just so not a good speaker and i believe that i will not be able to perform well because i get freaked out so easily and i might not be able to answer the questions as well as other candidates. nonetheless, i will learn from my experience previously that is to do some thorough research and preparation for possible questions. well, should take everything easily because even i didn't get it, i think that i would eventually get other offers. it's not the only solution and option i have. think big.

truth be told, i could not hide my excitement and eagerness to get a place in the nation's top university. it will be a lie to admit that i am not upset if they are to reject me though there is a tiny piece of me finger-crossing that i would get a comfortable seat somewhere not here. anyway, i know that it is a must to strive for my best for this coming interview and the future is in my hand. wish me luck!

Gardening

One of the most progressing activity i have been doing recently, besides dwelling in my own fictitious world is probably gardening. i don't have a green finger but i believe that they will eventually grow out, healthily, before i yield them in the next couple of weeks. i ended up having sore fingers today.

and i finish my reading. yay. it gave an awesome sense of satisfaction. Nicolas never fail to impress me. i fall in love with him all over again.

need to go for a haircut.

A sequel

i only bought myself At First Sight in Penang and i treasured it a lot. my eyes were like sparkling in excitement when i laid my spot on it on the shelf in Popular bookstores at Queensbay Mall. it was a rare item. i mean, i have been trying to search for a bundle of Sparks' collection but to no avail. and i noticed that it was only recently when Sparks' latest novel-made-movie namely Dear John and The Last Song which had made a huge accomplishment just like his debut breakthrough, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, Message in a Bottle and Night in Rodanthe, that all of his masterpieces are mushrooming all over the "prominent" bookstores throughout Malaysia. i am quite surprised to find a mountainously stacked Dear John and The Last Song on the bookshelves at Popular KB Mall. Well, opt for Dear John first and fall in love with him. though i am truly a huge fan of Nicholas, i would say that The Last Song is a little disappointment compare to his previous novels. it was still good but it is a little too long with a poor 'wow' effect but still 'wowed' me, sending those shivering jolts all over my engrossed body but it is so typical, too typical, so random. i would love to see a different approach. yet, still giving it a two thumbs up.

Apparently, At First Sight is a sequel to True Believer. Ahh. No wonder that i knew that i havent read AFS before and i know that it's the only one from Nicholas that i haven't read therefore i picked it up without hesitating after i scanned through his collection on the bookshelves along with The Wedding, A Walk to Remember and Dear John, just to name a few. As i began my reading, i feel that the characters are so darn familiar to me and i knew how the story progress in True Believer and these characters have been living in it. Then, more characters popped up and OMG, i turned it to the back cover and Voila!, mentioning of At First Sight is a continuos to True Believer. and i am so enjoying reading it.

i always try not to have a sneak peek of the synopsis of the story, if possible. it is like so wrong because it might tuned down the wow effects which will lead to me judging it as a not-so-impressive story but in fact it was but due to me knowing of how it would turned out, it becomes not so stunning already. i picked my books based on my sudden discovery of the famous authors through daily basis. after i got my first reading of his/her work, and if it managed to amaze me, i will definitely follow up on the next books of his/her.

i have been missing reading, feeling the grain of pages after pages and explore one after another of the most exciting fictitious moments ever under my engrossed mind.

Trip

As a sucker for food, i couldn't not love Penang. There are like so many to choose from and it's frustrating that my stomach couldn't fill up everything. it would be awesome to have a high efficiency of metabolism. Night walk is great! Scenery is totally breathtaking and my mood is overwhelmed with excitement. i wish to travel there again to keep up with other delicacies, never mind the pounds they are putting on me.

And i have been tired recently. Do seriously need to find something meaningful and progressive things to fill up my holidays. i want to learn about things!