Dear Ex-es

Facebook helps me to stay connected with my ex-classmates. it's not just of those from my secondary school but also those from kindergarden and primary school. The latter is more important to me.

The faces. Familiar. Mysterious. Obscure. How is life guys and girls? Remember me?

i wonder what is their faintest memory/ies of me. Nerd. Overachiever. Arrogant. Selfish. Geek. And yeah, they'd gone so beautiful over the years. i envied that. i envied time. i want to know them. i want to meet them. Photographs are never enough. They will look more beautiful in real life. And for boys. Geez. Never fond of boy. Never stay close to any. Not that i remember any except for some whom i had to help with homework i guess. Oh. And my childhood crushes. Yeah. Crush-es. i was stupid back then. i choose to be stupid. Why the hell are they messing up my feeling? Why the hell that i got crush on them?

Primary school had been fun. Firstly, i got to go to school with Koko. Yippie! Koko was so darn cute in his younger days. He was my friend at school. He was my Brother. He played with me. He made me smiles a lot. He brought laughters. He made me happy. We were together and i like that a lot. i miss him. i envied time. Can i travel to the past? At least let me have a few glimpses of how happy i was back then so that i don't have to constantly crack up my almost-burst out mind to reminiscence my happy moments. i promised to stand rooted to the ground without trying a single chance to try to alter anything and mess up the time capsule.

Then, everything changed.

So, my ex-classmates. How are you? i hope that you guys are in the pink of health. i want to someday have a big gathering and we can meet up. Talk about life, talk about anything because we'd once been brought together, because you guys had once came across my life, because you guys had once made me happy, because we'd shared a piece of history together, because we'd once breath in the same air, because you guys had been imprinted in my mind. And that's for a lifetime.

Primary school was fun because primary school was easy. We are children. We are innocent. We are happy. We are the angels. We are ignorant. Yeah. Ignorance is bliss. Then, i am sorry. i could not fathom why was i treating this particularly someone, Vivienne, obnoxiously. i'd sinned towards her. i remembered that i was influenced by people. I'm not sure that me and that 'people' are still friends or what. Last time i heard was that she's doing beauty care or something. She's smart but wasted. She could do better.

Then, i received a message from Vivienne stating that she's happy to see me on Facebook. Oh God. That was among the most meaningful things that had ever happened upon me. i'm so touched and moved to see that yet still hit by a pang of remorse, as always when she's brought as subject. She had probably forget how impertinent i was to her back then. She had forgiven me. She is my friend. She accepted me as friend. Life is great. i love my life. i have to love my life.

Next, SiewRyin is in UNITEN. She looks sweet now, with her long silky hair. She's doing Electrical Power Engineering or sort. Dang. Reading/Typing/Pronouncing it was hard. Electric and power some more. i bet that studying it was beyond complicated. i shuddered. i never like anything to do with engineering, physics, mathematics. They made my head spins. i wish her the best of luck. She's following her father's footsteps. i am sure she'll be successful in life if she's determined and work hard for it. God helps those who help themselves.

Next. LeeYean and the other unknowns are doing Form 6. Her nickname was "Lakso". Something to do with her surname. i remembered Koko's friend had a crush on her. i wish her all the best in her future undertakings too and the others. She's beautiful too. As i browsed through Vivienne's pictures just now, i think they both look a hell lot alike. Big sparking eyes and they just make men drool. i drool. i bet men flutter at the sight of them. Two thumbs up. BEAUTIFUL. beyond words.

And the boys. i couldn't find much boys on Facebook. Just a couple of them. i hope to treasure more.

And this is me. 18.

Holding on

Today i went to collect bird nests with Pup. Then, i got my stupid annoying money-costing

caller ringtone package cancelled. Voila!

This was the first time i went with Pup. The best thing about going with Pup is that he was swift, careful and strong. Thus, he made my job easier than usual when i was with Mum.

i think of my Father as my Superhero, my Superman. He makes everything seems easy. Among the conspicuous things i took note today was that he makes driving easy. He makes parking a big car easy. He carried the steel ladder like it was book with one hand. He pays the bill. He drove me to where i want to go. And he was so cool about everything. i love Pup.

Then, i spent my day watching Eric Bana and Ed Westwick.

Eric Bana starred as Henry DeTamble in The Time Traveler's Wife. Rachel McAdams was Clare Abshire. They are both so good together. Eric made me fluttering, i got those little things creeping all over me when my eyes laid on him on the screen and Rachel is so CUTE and BEAUTIFUL! i haven't finish reading and haven't finish watching, just a few plays of the alluring trailer. It keeps me thinking. If i can time travel, will it be a curse or a gift? If i can change the past, how would my life change? Better, happier, merrier or worse? Anyway, i 'choose' to be contented with what i have now.

Ed Westwick/Chuck Bass. SWOON! Never fails to make me go oh-oh. He was my favourite character! His relationship with Blair is sweet yet odd in its own obscure way. They sort of having a little role play in order to keep their relationship stable. Kind of absurd but whatever. CHair/BLuck is the bestest ever. i love watching them. Struggling through two seasons and finally they're together. Nonetheless, i think there's so going to be something fishy in the third season because that's the only way to keep the show going right?

DEAR JOHN

Inconsistent

I went for driving and love it when i hit 80km/h. All the way from Tanah Merah to Jeram Linang. Daddy said i almost reached Terengganu. My best score so far because if i try even harder, i might crash. Driving is fun, only with a decent car. Decent as in new, classy and swift. i hate it so much when the others are overtaking me. it was a sense of humiliation. i could hear them saying, Hey there Kiddo, you're slow. Got to go!

Then, i was so dumb that i stuck at traffic light not once but several times. I love Manual but Automatic will come into rescue for moments like that. i knew that eyes were staring at me and the drivers at the back had to take diversion and i'm genuinely offering my apologies and i swear that i'll never mock at new learners in future because i myself was once like them.

These few days, i discovered new things, knowledge, information and experience. i'm inconsistent. i choose to become an avid online games addict. i was happy that i was so absorbed into games. Then, i discovered that in the long run, means 2-3 hours, they bored me. i was once a game addict, then i quitted. It so easy for me because i sucked at games. Furthermore, although it pleased me, it's none long-lasting and then i found me asking myself what's the point of all these? It just made my head spins.

Why did everyone have to come into conclusion that i'm so going to be a future doctor? They never take it serious when i tell them that i don't want to be what i once want to be anymore. Perhaps, they think i'm joking, i lost my mind and i wasn't having the severe-look as i constantly showed up my happy-go-lucky expression. Frankly, i wasn't even sure what i want to do with myself anymore. i have a life to live and i want to live it happily, decently and with no regrets. However, it's too late now. i have this one super GREAT regret, though there are many more minor one, that it'll haunt me till Death comes and swipes it away. Therefore, enough with that one, i don't need another to add into my list of "why i need to travel back in time".

Touching on that GREAT regret, i didn't realised how great its impact is on me until the other day when i opened up to Huiwoon. My tears just poured out of my firing eyes and streamed down my cheeks as i blurted out to her my greatest predicament in life. It was painful. i don't even want to talk about it at first because nobody will understand but i think Woon understands it eventually. My chest were burning, it was so darn devastating. I had been carrying along grief, regret and sorrow with me for what seems like a century. That was my sad story. Everyone has their own story and that's mine.

Inconsistency. i think that i have got over Him. i don't know what am i supposed to feel? Happy? Sad? i hope that when i see Him next time, he will not leave me in that indescribable excitement anymore because he doesn't worth it and i don't worth it too, we are just not meant to be. It doesn't have to always be him to give me my source of inspiration and encouragement. It's so odd. The more i now about someone, the more i feel like hating that specific someone. i guess i'm just one of those perfectionists. i want everything to work out the way i want it to be, everything that i think needs to be perfect in my own way. Of course, i know that i can't change a person by just a snap of fingers. So, just get over it and be happy. i have a life to live!

My supposedly happily ever after Holidays...

...turn out to be not-so-happy after all.

Can someone please fix the damn telephone line?

Can someone please oblige to your damn job?

Can someone please ...... just please....pull me out of my agony?

Can the cable thieves..... please please please.... just don't steal the telephone line anymore at least not those connected to my house one?

It has been days that my parents last lodged the report to the so-called authorities and yet no proper actions has been taken. i was living in agony. i need to get access to the internet! And now, i am in KFC, and i find myself never ever want to go back home. Hah. How irony it turns out to be eh?

I had been spending my time at home.....READING. Yeah. Reading stories book. i guess that i would soon drown in my own fictitious world. i like reading but then sometimes, it's too much that i need to resort to other form of entertainments. i need to figure Facebook out. i need to play some games. i need to go for movies download. House, Gossip Girl, Avril and stuffs. And yeah, i wish that my parents are able to bring me to Penang next weekend. i dare not to ask but Pup is bringing his car for servicing. Oh God Bless me please. i'm quite willing to exchange the agonizing-not-being-able-to-online-days with a wonderful Penang trip. i always love Penang. =]

The last week

i was/am having my final Semester 1 examination. The last paper is on next monday, which is Biology paper 2, and after that, i could kiss this college goodbye and go home for 3 weeks!

it's been 1 week i didn't update my blog and hell yeah, loads of things happen in one week's time and i'm here to dig up my memories and jot down among the memorable and meaningful things that had happened for the past few days.

College mates made a surprise party for me and i was so touched. i was making unending free calls to all Maxis-ers on my contact list and each conversation took up an average of half an hour or more. It was so darn fun. i wished that everyday was my birthday then i can get to make FREE calls everyday. It feels just right to keep in touch with old friends, to know their whereabouts, to care of them, to bond. That's when i started to set up Facebook. ( it was a novelty to me. i'm so a facebook-er noobie.) Times posted an article of Facebook reunites old/long-lost crushes and that was just so sweet.

Okay. Then i was officially 18 and i love being 18.

Last week was study week to all matriculations students. Guess what? i cried for the first time ever of taking up the exam. i was so stressed up. i called MiMi and just told her that i couldn't answer the questions from the exercises and that my life was hard and study was stressful and i don't want to be a doctor anymore. It just hit me that medicine is a hell lot tougher than what i was/am enduring. i never ever wanted to study 24/7 and then cracking up my ind solving those mind-boggling questions because i know very well that i ain't a genius. Nonetheless, occasionally, i still wonder whether the problem arises because of the lecturers or me, myself for not putting enough effort or maybe i just wasn't born to be what i once-upon-a-time dreamed to be. So, i just let my tears streamed down my cheeks and i knew that poeple was watching from the corridor of my dorm but i just couldn't stop. Then i was okay. Biziillion thanks to my Mother who was always there to console me, to support me and to help me to endure everything.

Then, i gained my enthusiasm/spirit/courage to study again when i bumped into him and get to talk to him for a while and not discussing about study but just odd stuff. i was as happy as a lark that day and was determined to study hard so as i would have no regret because i have try my very best instead of giving up before it started. So, i was okay again. Thanks to You.

Then, the examination started off. it went okay the first day. Then the next day, it was among the most unforgettable day in my life. I saw my friends crying after taking the exam. The third day, same thing happen. It was among the toughest exam we had ever taken. Chemistry and Mathematics. So dead. The questions were a hell lot of tough and mind-boggling and eventually everyone was upset with their performance at the end of the day. i wasn't sure what or how should i feel. i think that everyone care so much of this exam, particularly. We aimed for 4.0 flat because if the opposite happens, then we're so doomed. i didn't cry because my tears reservoir had ran dry days before.

And yeah....to be continueed.

2nd October 2009

Today's my 18th birthday!

Set up a Facebook account to stay connect with friends!

Happy to get to make free calls!

Stress because examination is just around the corner!