Inconsistent

I went for driving and love it when i hit 80km/h. All the way from Tanah Merah to Jeram Linang. Daddy said i almost reached Terengganu. My best score so far because if i try even harder, i might crash. Driving is fun, only with a decent car. Decent as in new, classy and swift. i hate it so much when the others are overtaking me. it was a sense of humiliation. i could hear them saying, Hey there Kiddo, you're slow. Got to go!

Then, i was so dumb that i stuck at traffic light not once but several times. I love Manual but Automatic will come into rescue for moments like that. i knew that eyes were staring at me and the drivers at the back had to take diversion and i'm genuinely offering my apologies and i swear that i'll never mock at new learners in future because i myself was once like them.

These few days, i discovered new things, knowledge, information and experience. i'm inconsistent. i choose to become an avid online games addict. i was happy that i was so absorbed into games. Then, i discovered that in the long run, means 2-3 hours, they bored me. i was once a game addict, then i quitted. It so easy for me because i sucked at games. Furthermore, although it pleased me, it's none long-lasting and then i found me asking myself what's the point of all these? It just made my head spins.

Why did everyone have to come into conclusion that i'm so going to be a future doctor? They never take it serious when i tell them that i don't want to be what i once want to be anymore. Perhaps, they think i'm joking, i lost my mind and i wasn't having the severe-look as i constantly showed up my happy-go-lucky expression. Frankly, i wasn't even sure what i want to do with myself anymore. i have a life to live and i want to live it happily, decently and with no regrets. However, it's too late now. i have this one super GREAT regret, though there are many more minor one, that it'll haunt me till Death comes and swipes it away. Therefore, enough with that one, i don't need another to add into my list of "why i need to travel back in time".

Touching on that GREAT regret, i didn't realised how great its impact is on me until the other day when i opened up to Huiwoon. My tears just poured out of my firing eyes and streamed down my cheeks as i blurted out to her my greatest predicament in life. It was painful. i don't even want to talk about it at first because nobody will understand but i think Woon understands it eventually. My chest were burning, it was so darn devastating. I had been carrying along grief, regret and sorrow with me for what seems like a century. That was my sad story. Everyone has their own story and that's mine.

Inconsistency. i think that i have got over Him. i don't know what am i supposed to feel? Happy? Sad? i hope that when i see Him next time, he will not leave me in that indescribable excitement anymore because he doesn't worth it and i don't worth it too, we are just not meant to be. It doesn't have to always be him to give me my source of inspiration and encouragement. It's so odd. The more i now about someone, the more i feel like hating that specific someone. i guess i'm just one of those perfectionists. i want everything to work out the way i want it to be, everything that i think needs to be perfect in my own way. Of course, i know that i can't change a person by just a snap of fingers. So, just get over it and be happy. i have a life to live!