Home at its best

i dig the country version better by Blake Shelton.
i was once overwhelmed by the pathos and the longing that Home brings about. Every now and then, i know that i would be playing it more often through my mobile when i left.

Shit. i didn't know that i could ever felt this way. i hate it home sometimes. i felt pity for my Mum. i detest my Sister sometimes because she was sometimes a little bit troublesome. She troubled my Mum and that annoyed me. i know that i'm selfish, i'm impatient, i'm cold, i'm heartless, i'm cruel and i'm anything that a sibling would never want me to have any relations with.

i could never help her anything. i could never ease away my Mother's burden. She's my Mother's burden, sometimes, i thought. Shit. This is impropriate. But that's how i feel, that's how i truly feel deep down inside, no lie, no secret. i get pissed so easily and i couldn't even surmount the energy to stay patience teaching her this and that and repeating the same things over and over again and hoping that she'll get it right, get it smooth, master it, despite the mean words that're thrown on her. They just slipped off because it's very frustrating. Somehow, i wished that that'll boost her confidence, no i mean somehow, the words would make her tried harder, like she could get a pang of awakening to really strive for the better and put her soul on it. Seriously, i think that's the main deterrent. Where's the heart, sometimes, i wonder. maybe she's still young but what about me back then? i surrender. the consequence is that i would live up to this guilt. i don't want her to get bruises, to shatter her self-esteem, to broke her heart. So, i let it be. i'd sin to my mother,to my Sister and yeah, i live up to pretty much thinking about myself. that's also one of the reasons why i don't want to have children, to get married or anything, i mean, me?seriously? Shit. this topic was discussed back then in college. i was influenced by an article i came acrooss in the paper and became a fervent believer. Children. i'll not be a good mother or anything. i am brutal, i am harsh, i could never do a better job than Mum or at least an inch closer than her achievement. Thank you Mother,once again for you raise me really well, very well aside from the part that i'm a little hostile towards Di.

• Finish 'The Lucky One', captivating and inspiring as usual. i believe that i believe in supernatural, magic and fairytale somehow.
• i love Chuck Bass! OMG! He's like sweet in the bitter type, shy in the bold, mysterious and hot! i really love his approach towards Blair. the every little sweet thing that he'd done just for the sake of Blair even though it means that he's to sacrifice and how bad he hurt her but eventually, made it up again at the end of the day because she's the One, becasue he really love her.
• it's high time that i start on my studies...so going to swallow everything and be well-prepared for the next lectures and quizzes and exams...
  

The Last Song

OMG!!!

The Last Song is due 8 September!!!

OMG!!!

i can't wait!

i haven't finish The Lucky One!!!

Okay. i was in Nicholas Sparks' site and quickly swift my sight away from the screen because i don't want to know the synopsis of the story. it isn't supposed to be that way. i don't want to know the general idea of the story....i want to start reading from the very first page and let it end and do my own synopsis.

The Last Song. Hmm.....it's the same title from one of the song from the all-american-reject i think.....here it goes...



And since when does Billy Joe get so cute??!!! *swoon

There's no place like home

OMG!

Where should i begin?

i'm so finally home. i'm so finally back. it felt like getting back all the freedom, getting back all the life, getting back all the good things and i'm afraid that i dare not going back to college after a fortnight.

what has changed? Uhm... everything's pretty much the same except that my bedroom is totally a mess. i laid on my super cozy bed for hours, sleeping the hell out of the day as what i'd been dreaming of doing ever since i left home.

it's been 9 weeks. 9 weeks not meeting my dear Father. i felt heartwarming at the sight of my Mother and Di, coming to fetch me and got me home this morning. i felt exhilarated at the sight of my father, welcoming me home and getting all my bags for me. Pup's still the same Pup. OMG! Pup said i'd gone slimmer than before and Mum said that my face is now slightly sharper. OMG! i'm so happy. Nonetheless, i'm so going to dig in all the food that i'd been craving for and eat the hell out of the day. Yesterday went to Ipoh-Jaya Jusco for lunch and i tasted the most delicious Prawn Noodles and a cup of very tasty, aromatic and special ice white coffee. OMG! Suddenly felt like going back to dine in at The Chatter Kopitiam again. OMG! i want to go shopping for watches, clothes or something. Yesterday managed to get The Lucky One, Galaxie, previous edition which featured NewMoon Poster in it, a blouse for Mum and a pencil case for Di. Overall, i spent 100 over. It's the very first time i felt enjoyable and fabulous for a shopping spree. maybe, it's because of finally could get home the next few hours and using own money(from allowance) to shop.

Last night was insane. We(huiwoon, Jiening, Meiying and i) waited the bus for around one and a half hour before departing from the scheduled time. Luckily we didn't board on the first bus that
Meiying managed to get on but only two seats were available. The bus got punchured in Jeli or something. Hah. i alwas know that there must have been something fishy for everything that happened the way it happened and for all the good and bad things. it's sort of a cycle. Journey home in the bus was not a good experience at all. it's freaking cold, it's freaking uncomfortable, it's freaking aching. The moment the bus pulled down at Jeli for a while, i opened my eyes and thinking there's going to be two hours or more to go. The next moment i opened my weary eyes, it's like magic. We're in Pasir Mas already. Woohoo. i passed my house, i mean the neighbourhood. it took quite a distance to travel home from the main road. And now, here i am. Downloading Gossip Girl Season 2 Finale(CHUCK!!!), doing internet browsing (OMG!!Chace Crawford's starring in Leona Lewis 'i will be' music video!!! Btw, 'i will be' was a cover from Avril's) Uhm, Green Day's 21 Guns was sort of having an issue with plagiarizing Avril's Complicated. But, seriously, i think it's just ...... coincidence. People are just making up stories, many songs are similar to one another, it's sort of unavoidable, for me.

Yay....Ahh....there's no place like home...

A List-to-do

• EAT ALL THE DECENT FOOD
• DRIVING
• CYCLE
• SHOPPING
• SLEEEEEP!!!
• HOUSE !!!
• REST
• REST
• REST
• REST
• MEET UP SOME FRIENDS (LEEWEN! WEICHEN!)
• REST
• REST
• SLEEEEEP!!!
• FRUITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
• CHUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (couldn't believe that i'd forgotten about Chuck! it's in my last list, just pop up just now...)

 Okay. Mid-semester test is just around the corner, like 3 days later or so.

 it signifies that the freaking exciting day of the journey home is drawing near too!!

 i couldn't stop thinking about going home like 24/7. Studying, doing mountainous homework, having bath, doing laundry, sleeping, peeing, eating and all makes me thinking of HOME. Sometime, i would even picture what i would do if i'm home that particular moment, drawing the structure of my house in my mind, my bedroom, computer, family, fantasizing conversations with Mum, Pup and Di. 

 it has been two freaking months!!! i miss home like so very much! the longest period i left home was only around 1 week, i think. but now, it's 8 freaking weeks. The excruciation is unexplainable, undefinable and malicious.

 i wish that i could perform well in the test and hoping that the longing of going home wouldn't affect my studies. One thing for sure, i wouldn't miss one second or millisecond missing home, missing family, missing the place where my heart belong!

  

5th July 2009

Does teaching do grow in my blood?
it was so exhausting to teach my fellow college mates yesterday for i was selected as one of the facilitators for Biology subject.
Overall, i felt completely helpless. it made me realise that it's impossible for me to help everyone as much as i want to. i'd done my best but i know that i could have done better. i'm not the best but i just tried to be the best, to share with them my not-so-much knowledge and assist them to overcome their problems.

Today was Huiwoon's 18th birthday. Happy birthday to you.
We (Soohui,Weinie,Jiening,Aida,Ros,Gi-ah and i) made a small surprise and not-so-grand birthday
party for her. Woon was like so freaking touched by every little thing that we'd set up. Lucky her. Today, Aunt Tanjung Malim brought me Apple cake and it would serve as her 18th Birthday cake. So, Woon joined me together with Uncle and Aunty to have a simple lunch just a stone's throw away from the college. We digged in too much of PORKS!!! i smelt like pork still...

Mid-Semester Test(MST) is just around the corner. It signifies that the day to go back home is drawing near too. i can't stop thinking about going home but i still have to cope with my studies, MST and stuff. it's driving me crazy! i'm starting making vague listing of what's i'm so going to do once i get back!!!

Here comes the ...

Thank-You Note

Things had been good. it seemed so surreal.
i aced Chemistry, Biology and Mathematics. Nonetheless, i knew that in the following quizzes or tests, i'm so going to doom. i lived up to believe that when good things come, bad things follow and the cycle continues. Great. It's not as if making mistake is a sin, it's a learning process.

i loved to talk over the phone and IM with Mother. Well, chatting's better because sometimes, words are hard to pronounce. Sentences are hard to phrase but luckily i haven't forget my mother-tongue. Pouring out everything to Mother is fantastic. She always has this superpower to lighten up my almost dying spirits. She is so wise that everything she said is so true and there's no point arguing with her because every single words she said is true, real and make sense. So, Mother's my private counsellor now. i found strength and the will to move on , remembering her words, her "philosophy" and her guidance. i found happiness, security and serenity connecting her. So, Mother's my best friend now.

i realise that i love her more now. It's not as if i didn't love her before but it's just that the distance makes me realise that she's the best, she's the one that i could never ever stop loving, she's my best friend, she's my everything, she's the reason why i'm a live, she's the 'Doraemon', she's my personal brand of "heroin" and she's the everything i need. It makes me just love her so much and i don't even know if there's any words to describe this feeling, this flummoxed feeling. it's something that i've never felt before. In the years before, i would said "I love my, Mother", thinking about every little thing that so great about her and how she's made up my life. Now, i'm saying "I LOVE MY MOTHER!", thinking about how brilliant and great and divine and bizarre and perfect she is and she's one of the missing puzzle that i've been looking for all this while. My Mother's just too COOL! Yay, i have a COOL Mother!
The distance has made me truly truly truly understand why i love Her. The distance has made me genuinely genuinely genuinely love her with every ounce of strength or courage or anything that's needed.
I LOVE YOU MOTHER! There's so no one like you and i'll never stop loving you.