almost 20 years of my life has been spent on planet earth. reaching the beginning of second decade, i always wish that i have always has something that i am good at and good with. so that i could carry it on with the rest of my life. something significant. a talent or a beauty or a fortune or a heart or a mind that distinguish me from others. and at the end, i find myself going back to my root. i am proud as someone's daughter. wouldn't trade it for the world.
not sure since when do i begin to keep a distance from people. every close relationship that i have with once the strangers is becoming just a memorable history. i am aware of the distance that i am trying to keep. wouldn't take a glance looking back at how much i have left them behind and just looking forward as a lone wolf. it's so weird that the more i spent time with people, the more uncomfortable i get for having to doubt the sincerity. aware of the awkwardness and the odd stare i get from the eyes. i dont like to explain myself very much for every decision and every step that i make. it's just that i dont have much faith in others and i lack self confident. what is the price of trustworthy? maybe i am the one being sensitive about certain issues in which i always resolve to acting dumb and paying ignorance. therefore, i would love to apologize if ever i have disappoint anyone for my insensitivity. people dont need to understand me and i dont yearn for their understanding too.
as for my second year as a second year medical student, i am currently staying in an apartment with my other 6 housemates. things could be really crazy at times. it's like living in a big family. it's like everyday is a celebration season in which there's cheers and stuffs. sometimes, the feeling they give me is more than what i have experienced with my own family. at home, the ambience is more towards serenity, comfort and contentment. on the other hand, here, there are more laughters, louder and togetherness. it's not as if i am not happy at home. it's just different kind of happiness. and somehow i wonder whether i could take a little of here and there and make up my own ideal family. and i am thankful for the privacy i could have for living in this single room. the freedom of typing, singing and listening to myself. yes. it sounds contradicting from keeping a distance with people/friends and starting to bond with my fellow housemates/friends. maybe because i did not put in too much feeling and the sensitivity that i scared one day they would break it apart.
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