beautiful like you

Everybody wants to look into the mirror
And feel a little better now

And everybody wants to know there's someone out there
Waiting for you to come around

And I wish that you could feel it
But you don't choose to believe it
Cause I know that you can't see it that way

If you could only just stop stop stop running
If you could only take a second to breathe it in
Everything that you know would be beautiful, like you
You know they're never gonna stop stop stop your love
Let's pretend that the world is waking up
Everything that we see is beautiful, like you.

Everybody wants to tell someone their secrets
Why don't you tell me now?

Well, maybe I can fix this
Then I don't want you to miss this
And the sun is raining down

If you could only just stop stop stop running
If you could only take a second to breathe it in
Everything that you know would be beautiful, like you
You know they're never gonna stop stop stop your love
Let's pretend that the world is waking up
Everything that we see is beautiful, like you

Sometimes it's hard to be yourself in this crazy world
Sometimes it's hard to breathe

Everybody wants to know there's someone out there
Waiting for you to come around

If you could only just stop stop stop running
If you could only take a second to breathe it in
Everything that you know would be beautiful, like you
You know they're never gonna stop stop stop your love
Let's pretend that the world is waking up
Everything that we see can be beautiful, Like you

i could totally relate to the song! i remember gluing my eyes in front of the idiot box (last year, if i'm not mistaken) watching the american idol finale 2010. deep down my heart, i was praying that Crystal could win it. first, because she's a woman. and i totally sympathize her unfortunate difficulties, struggling as a single mum and stuffs. besides, she could really sing. and i was emotionally touched listening to her singing especially Up to the mountain. (actually have to YouTube this, i just remember something with the mountain) nonetheless, Americans vote for Lee Dewyne. and he has finally get to have his dreams come true and it was totally a life-changing experience. creating his name in the music industry and making money now while enjoying singing. and now, i am totally in love with this song - Beautiful Like You! i am happy for his success and hopefully he can go further.

it's been two years since Michael Jackson passed away. been listening to the radio since afternoon and they're playing his music all day long which bring back a few memories. on the other hand, i knew that on this particular exact date two years ago while i was doing my matriculation, my friend was enduring the most unforgettable day of her life. and dying totally changes everything. do cherish your loved ones. =)

mobile

everything's changing when i turn around, all out of my control i'm a mobile.

almost 20 years of my life has been spent on planet earth. reaching the beginning of second decade, i always wish that i have always has something that i am good at and good with. so that i could carry it on with the rest of my life. something significant. a talent or a beauty or a fortune or a heart or a mind that distinguish me from others. and at the end, i find myself going back to my root. i am proud as someone's daughter. wouldn't trade it for the world.

not sure since when do i begin to keep a distance from people. every close relationship that i have with once the strangers is becoming just a memorable history. i am aware of the distance that i am trying to keep. wouldn't take a glance looking back at how much i have left them behind and just looking forward as a lone wolf. it's so weird that the more i spent time with people, the more uncomfortable i get for having to doubt the sincerity. aware of the awkwardness and the odd stare i get from the eyes. i dont like to explain myself very much for every decision and every step that i make. it's just that i dont have much faith in others and i lack self confident. what is the price of trustworthy? maybe i am the one being sensitive about certain issues in which i always resolve to acting dumb and paying ignorance. therefore, i would love to apologize if ever i have disappoint anyone for my insensitivity. people dont need to understand me and i dont yearn for their understanding too.

as for my second year as a second year medical student, i am currently staying in an apartment with my other 6 housemates. things could be really crazy at times. it's like living in a big family. it's like everyday is a celebration season in which there's cheers and stuffs. sometimes, the feeling they give me is more than what i have experienced with my own family. at home, the ambience is more towards serenity, comfort and contentment. on the other hand, here, there are more laughters, louder and togetherness. it's not as if i am not happy at home. it's just different kind of happiness. and somehow i wonder whether i could take a little of here and there and make up my own ideal family. and i am thankful for the privacy i could have for living in this single room. the freedom of typing, singing and listening to myself. yes. it sounds contradicting from keeping a distance with people/friends and starting to bond with my fellow housemates/friends. maybe because i did not put in too much feeling and the sensitivity that i scared one day they would break it apart.

wish i never grow up

i am about to make a bigger and bolder step as a second year medical student. i don't really like the sound of second year and medical student bring together. i mean, as a first year, especially at the beginning i do know what i want. yes. this is hypocrite me.

after one long halt, i am not either physically or mentally ready to continue. i thought it was a high time to spend some time and spare some thoughts on my future. i thought that i would have to go thru a thorough process of awakening; that i am able to let go and take things as it come. nonetheless, i know that i have failed and all i do is to escape from reality and wasting time living in my own fantasy and comfort zone. i know that i will not be ever ready. i am just a loser who loves to whine constantly about my life without given much of token of appreciation. truth is, nobody really knows what i have gone thru and what would be waiting throughout my journey of discovery.

i yearn to be a better person. meeting with people from different walks of life do give a great motivation to me. i learn that most of them have unique and special talent or maybe interest that they are passionate about. and i can somehow see the variety colour in their lives. some indulge in music, writing, singing, sports and they do have a quality social life that i somehow wish i could be a part of those. knowing myself as a lone ranger who prefer to spare time to myself yet not to make the best out of it, it pains to know that all that is left of me is the thinking instead of actions. i do have many things to do about my life. to improve my life so that i have multiple skills and talent instead of being just a commoner and ordinarily ordinary.

sure there's a tinge of jealousy to know that people actually enjoys a better life than i do. and I am the one to decide what's 'better'. how do i know ? who am i to decide ?

things change as we grow. and as for me, it just changes a whole lot more recently. speaking of adulthood. it is equalized to responsibility that ones have to carry. parents and ourselves sure expect us to know how to take responsibility to our own doings and to be able to take care of ourselves. moreover, they expect us to think maturely, like an adult who knows how to fence for himself.

and for the umpteenth time, i am insisting that i don't want to grow up.

as for today, i am actually experiencing a mixed feelings that i never feel before. you can name it alphabetically and i have it all. too much to handle and i find it best to resort to blogging. and i am uncomfortably numb by all these. i know much more is coming ranging from family, academic and friendship. thought the world is going to end on you-know-the-date as a part of me kind of fed up and exasperated with my not clearly define with purposeless life. and it seems to move on and the world continue to spin.

i am just too tired at this point.