indifference

#adopted children are special because they were born from their parents' heart.

#new york city has the highest number of twitter users. i just knew. it's from the flyfm's quiz/brain teaser or something. the prize, in the form of money has soared up to more than 6k and of course, won by someone already. i haven't listen to radio for ages.

today, i went yamcha with beh, sockhoon and huizhen. i did really enjoy our time there just chatting, hanging around and knowing a little less and more of everyone else life. have a great laugh together and made me thinking that i should have build a better bonding with them during my secondary school. it's a little too late now to know that i have missed a better solid friendship.

then, yamcha indirectly means to busybody on everyone else business. those that we know, those that we heard of. i am not used to knowing things about people. it's like getting to know secret and then it was as if i was admitted to seal my lips till the day i die or else bad things are going to happen. exaggerated. then, i came to another regret. it makes me a nerd. i always am. there are like a few names that popped up but i never heard of and know but they are of my previous batch, and never did a glimpse of their faces come across my mind. i spend my time in school digging on books, homeworks, sleeping on the desk and never took a chance and some time to peek around.

and there was this guy, i just knew, through the magnificent facebook, the one that they have been talking about during the evening gathering session, is in my friend requests' list. i never know him, i don't even remember if i ever see him in the school vicinity or anything but hell yeah, he is kind of cute. seriously speaking. then, i was like Oh, this is the one, the one they have been talking about, he is cute, why did i miss that?

i guess that i am not so used to ogling around for cute boys last time. yet, i enjoy looking for cute girls. =D or maybe it's only my indifference towards sexual attraction due to impairment of my hormone production?

this is it

wow. i hate the feeling becoming a stupid person. stupid as in not using the mind to its ideal, preferably maximum capability, to think, to solve problem, to learn, etcetera. i seriously do missing doing tutorial works! solving maths :D though i hate maths but i am happy as a lark when i get the answer. oh, not to forget organic chemistry! and, here the thing about biology.

well, the other day, my Mum was asking me about what will happen to a person who has pancreatic problem. i tried to be smart and ramble about his incapability to digest lipid or sort. Shit. i mixed it up for the bile which is located in the liver while the leave-like pancreas is below the stomach. then, there goes the debate. about biology. they isn't a thing about human anatomy, pathology and anything else alike, closely related to medicine in the study about biology. well, there are, countably some topics, once in a while in the syllabus but it isn't really in details. and hell yeah, for one whole year i was there, i can't recall studying a thing about pancreas. So, what's in store for Biology? mostly, about things around, the flora i hate the most, i don't literally hate them, i just don't like studying about them, their life cycle and all because i just don't have interest in them and that i don't like to burden my mind to memorize a thing about them. and i hate Photosynthesis. in my opinion, it is enough to acknowledge it as a vital process for the continuity of various life on earth because it supplies oxygen. there. full stop. utilize carbon dioxide, release oxygen. it is not as if i am going to use my knowledge of the many other detail process in my daily life. then, there is a huge topic of Biodiversity. i don't want to talk about that. then...pretty much more things not-so-related to medicine. i would say that Biology is kind of my least favourite now. nonetheless, i really love to know about the interactions in human's body, like the influences of hormones, how they infect us and all. yeah. those things appear once in a while. i crave for them.

so, i have been feeling like an idle, worthless person living on a sedentary lifestyle who has been sucking on enormous oxygen lately, farting around, contributing to global warming but without doing anything beneficial to the society or earth (in conjuction with Earth's Day). going to browse the internet to something genuinely great for the mind.

i have been happy

Ever since i got back, i have been really happy. First off, it's a real coincidence to have everyone home, Pup, Mummy, Koko, Me and Huidi. it is a complete occupancy of this lot. and i would say that Mum is probably the most happiest and grateful person around to have everyone here. we actually bring the home to alive again and the whole atmosphere is just so exuberant and overwhelming with each passing day. and the saddest part would be my brother and i would be leaving almost at the same time and that would leave this home to a little tinge of emptiness. i am about to succumb to a missing piece of a beautiful portray of jigsaw puzzle. Sigh.

i have been happy these days, seriously. mostly, i think that my relationship with my brother has improved. There is surely some invisible truth lies beneath the adverb Absence makes the heart grows fonder. Yay! i am happy.

So, besides that, there are seriously still many reason for me to feel happy despite all the unhappiness. what matter most is only of my point of view, of how i take in everything and start to evaluate it from the right perfect angle. only then, i could convert all my distress and dissatisfaction or whatever else there are into the opposite, joyful and bless events. i just have to bear in mind that nobody's perfect, i have what people don't and people don't have what i own. my privilege. every human being's privilege. should i really get jealous of everything? should i ache my mind thinking of how unfair life is? should i make uncountable comparison? should i even care what people think of me? oh, and why the hell again is that i always like to judge people, disapprove of people vain, fatuous actions? not that i could really control myself but i just don't understand. so, every time, i just resort to an approving fake hypocritically horrid smile. :) then, there are all those whatever whore, whatever jerk, as long you are happy and that we are still friends and then we are still good together come flooding my head. i seriously do not approve of the wannabe, vacuous vanity of some of the not-up-to-be-vain-able people. they just sort of lost their identity and their dignity, to me. and hell yeah, i am sure that i would not become one of that although it's like an epidemic in recent society. it is just not me. if ever i am to get infected, well, i have to declare beforehand that i am a dead person. So, why should i really care? why should i bother my mind? it just signifies that i am just so jealous. seriously hating the word. duh. okay. this is the last piece of advice from me to me, i am just happy with my life, i am grateful for everything, that have happened, about to happen and happening. so what if they are to live to that plateau of (my own version) imperceptible conceit? okay. the more i write, i feel like i am the one having a tendency towards it.

Right. i am happy. i am me, you are you, he is he, she is she and we are all having our individually. i have my own identity, personality. i just hope that nobody, include me myself, would ever alter any part of me, changing me into just one of the heavily sick patients who probably never ever recover because it is like a powerful sickness that there's no any secret remedy or anything that's going to cure it. oh yeah. it's like a malignant tumour. it would just keep on developing.

not my perfect day

i haven't update this for so long. well, there wasn't really much to blog about because i was just repeating the same mundane routine ever since i got back, needless to list out what they are.

and today, Mum was heading down to KB for her facial so i tagged along. actually, i was just dying to get out to get House and so my week would be filled with doing some amateur medical diagnosis and getting some advance exposure. oh, i was supposed to get to indulge in my favourite dessert too.

and, my expectation was in a complete vain. First of all, due to a stupid traffic jam and time constraint, we just have to cancel the visit to the 'ais kacang' stall. Then, at the mall, i was looking for House Season 2 and hah, guess what, there're Season 1, a couple of Season 3, a Season 4 and a Season 5 bt no Season 2. Where the hell is season 2??????! i was left agape at the sight before me and couldn't believe what a big coincidence it was. Each season was there except the one i want. So, i was looking at other stores but they never have House on the rack. i pretty much went home in frustration. what to do with the rest of the week?

and Chuck and Blair sort of broke up. TT i came to love Chuck very very much. Season 3 is the best so far. i am looking forward to episode 18. i vehemently believe that somehow, they are going to be together. Blair is going to forgive Chuck because Chuck doesn't mean to sent her away for that bastard Jack. Blair only need time (i am limiting to one episode) to figure that out and oh Chuck is so going to get his girl back, in his invincibility of Chuck Bassness.

the only exception

HAHAHAHAHAHA. i can laugh out loud now. from now on, no more quizzes, exams, classes, waking up in the wee hours, oily disgusting food, sharing bedroom, and the list goes on. Thank You God for Your blessing throughout my endurance and for keeping me safe and sound here, now. Thank You God.

Finally back home two days late-r than my other friends because my family and i head down to KL for a couple of days before we make a ride North to Kelantan. i was getting all furious in the evening because i have to do the unpacking and i was tired and i was not in the mood but i am good now.

So, yesterday, my brother drove us to Genting. i would say that the outdoor passes were so not worth at all because we just went for a super boring Pirate Train which moved like about 5km/h or less and then we went for merry-go-round and we went for .... OMG! that's all and there was like a huge crowd everywhere although it was not a weekend. Nonetheless, i would say that it is a really great outing!

The thing i like and i hate most was the trip in the haunted house. i know that i was so stupid and all because everything was fake but the atmosphere and the psychology thing did get the better of me and i was like so really scared. i am a coward. So, there was like Huidi, my brother and i who went in the haunted house and Mummy And Papa were waiting outside because it was exclusively from the indoor or outdoor passes. i wasn't really shivering but once i was inside, i was like telling myself i want to get out because it was so not worth it but the opposite side of me just insisted that i have to experience this. So, i braced myself but i am still scared. i was holding my sister tightly and she's doing the same. My brother was the first to go and he's leading us. So, along the way, there was all these eerie voices and sounds and loud too and it was all dark and there was luminous green light, fake skull and costumes but i just dare not look because i am scared i might see they suddenly move even though i know that was all drama and sheer fake. i am just scared and i forgot all my prayers, my mind were blank and all i know is that i want to get out. Occasionally, there was like someone knocking on the steels or something and it was like you see movements in the dark eerie corners so OMG....i just want to get out! And then, there was this "someone", finally came out of nowhere and i know he was there but ducked down my head and looked at the floor, not knowing what else to do, just following my brother because he's the man. And i know that my sister was scared like hell too that freaking time. That "someone", i don't know what he was doing, something like moving his handicapped hands towards us, the passersby or whatever, i don't care i just want to get out. So, my sister was at the brink of bursting into tears and my brother start to hold her in his hands and surprisingly, i was doing the same too. i grab on my brother's arm so tightly that i don't want to let go and we just walked along the super scary alley, to the exit. i think my brother was feeling uncomfortable that we are all having our hands on him but i need to hold on to something, someone, to rely on and faith that i will eventually get the hell out of there. i don't know how long we were in there but i swear that i will never went into haunted house again. i have learnt my lessons.

So, my holiday kicked off with a pretty great trip to Genting. And now, i have all the movies, drama series to catch up and books and many more!

Hoooray! it's a holi-holiday!