My answer

I found something.

So, i figured i'll note this down.

So, i'm about to step into the age of 18 this coming October. During the adolescence stage, we're attracted to the opposite sex or for some minority, still trying to figure themselves out, trying to find their obscure identity. As for me, of course, i'm attracted to the opposite sex especially the cute one and the one i assume a nice one then it turned out i was so deadly wrong. How could i be so sure? At the tender age, i know nothing. Love is not a romantic feeling, love is a responsibility. Love needs a lot of efforts.

Corinthians 13 : 4-8

Love is patient and kind, it's never jealous.

Love is never boastful or conceited.

It's never rude or selfish,

it does not take offense and is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in others' sin but delights in the truth.

It is aways ready to excuse, to trust,

to hope and to endure whatever comes.

(p/s also inscribed in A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks)

So, Love is deep right. Nonetheless, i know the easy way to love. The love i have for my family. It's effortless, it's simple, it's so great, it's divine, it's a pleasure and it's beyond words. i don't have to excruciate over it, to wait, to figure things out because i just know as it comes naturally and it's permanent that i love them and i can just feel it; the celestial and lavish love of my family. i don't have to question, i don't have to do anything, it just develop naturally and i don't have to fight, to struggle for it as it's never jealous. That's what i love about love.

Recently, i dreamed of never growing up. i want to live forever with my happy family because i just love them very very much. i want to stay like THIS forever. i want to stop time, like right now. i don't want my parents to grow old and i've read across that the scientists discovered that aging process is reversible though it's still under research. i want them to be imperishable. i can't just bare to imagine what would become of me if i were to wake up to find they're not around and never to see them for real again. They should live forever, they deserve to be immortalized not just in my heart and mind or to capture their soul in a piece of me, neither should they be captivated perpetually in the photographs nor paper but to live forever in this magnificent universe and we shall be together to discover what the earth will bring about. Vampirism is the only chance if that's even real. i want to see them alive and to be by my side not to just reserve an ample space in my heart and mind of their beautiful memories because i don't believe in the past but the present and the future. Moreover, i'm forgetful. i'm not granted with the coveted photographic memories but i'm only an ordinary so i probably will just forget every good things due to depression and though i'll still be able to be completely overwhelmed by their undying love occasionally without their presence, it's not enough, it's never enough. They should be real and vivid because i long for their touch and embrace from time to time. They have to be real because even though i'm given an infinite time, i'm never able to repay, to take my obligations to give thanks and to devote to my family. i'm so scared of not able to do what i want to do for them, with them. i'm so scared to be left alone in this solitude world to surmount the obstacles without them by my side. Having them living in my trembling heart is never enough. We are together. We belong together.

i know that i'm selfish. if i'm never to grow, i'm so going to stay like this forever and my parents are going to slog hard to provide good life to me. When is the time for me to take over? i'm the one who should take care of them but i love being taken care of. What's on the other world? i wish that all the bestest things can happen to them solely. They couldn't just leave me alone, can they? Who's going to take care of me? To love me unconditionally? i only have faith in them and i love more than words can can. Love is like the wind, i can't see it but i can constantly feel it.

Therefore, in my humble opinion, the love i have for that special someone is not an easy task because i just love myself and my family so much that i don't think i will love him enough or there'd be enough space to love. i don't know whether i'll be able to contribute willingly because i've been loved so effortlessly, so easily, so serenely and so joyfully all this while. i don't even know how to love because apparently, how pathetic this is, i've never been in love so unconditionally and wholeheartedly by that special one, in other words, i've never meet my soulmates (will i ever?) but i'm already very very much grateful with the love i have for the Almighty God and my Loving Family. It'll never cease instead it's irrevocable.

Of course, i dreamed of being loved unconditionally and wholeheartedly by that special someone as that's every girl's dream. i found it only exist in fictitious world. it is painted so beautifully and crafted so delicately in words and it lasts eternally. It happens to me that the love i have for my Family and God is the only real thing and last forever. Let says if IT happens to me one day, how am i going to make sure it's for real, that freaking time, because i've stumbled across sureality and i'll never know when Love strikes, it's for real, it's granted to me and i happen to be the luckiest person on earth. My special one has got to be my soulmate, my life-partner, to be included in my Family in which i can love HIM unconditionally and effortlessly, not resentful, never envy, always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. God gives me too much and He will take away some things from me so that equilibrium is attained. i'm positive that He'll not take away the Love i have for Him and my Family, but He may take away my romance. Let it be. i'm not in desperation to seek for it as i'm satisfy with what have. If it's my destiny, it will come someday. See, waiting is a long suffering. i'm not planning on that to put myself in agony and jeopardy. By the way,i don't think or have faith that i will be loved wholeheartedly by that special one because i don't deserve it.

i love God, i love my Family, i love my Life and i love Me. If He comes, it should be a perfect one, perfect as in what i assumed perfect. Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.

i hope that this post serve as a perfect and solid answer to Weinie, Huiwoon, Jiening and Soohui.

We've been discussing about relationship a hell lot recently because apparently everyone gets crushed. i'm probably more of an introverted, having peculiar and bizarre thinking, we're sharing different point of views and all these words are what i truly, genuinely feel from the abyss of my heart.

When that moment comes, it should be perfect. It it doesn't, hell yeah, i'm just fine.