27th of September

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVRIL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNJANE!

HAPPY PACKING HUITING!

Listening to Avril.

Realizing that i'm so lost of words.

i've forgotten the lyrics but the melody is still fresh.

this is so sad.

i am not able to sing along, just humming along.

Looking forwards to Avril latest album.

Hue of Colours

The first 9 weeks in Perak Matriculation College was difficult. The first couple of weeks was the worst of all. The orientation week was a hell lot exhausting, then trying to adjust to new environment, meeting up strangers, catching up with the familiar yet new lessons, homesickness and missing the loved ones. It was unbearable.

Then, my family came for a visit. i remembered i was feeling like the happiest person on earth. it felt like out of the blue , i got an abrupt news that i'm soon to be freed from the prison after being life-sentenced. When they're gone, i found myself hiding in the washroom crying my heart out, escaping from the reality, finding way to stop the tears from pouring out, summoning the courage to stay focus and strong.

Next, we got two weeks of mid semester break. Hooray. Let it be two or three or a month, it's never enough. I had to go back to my torturing cell again.

After that, things sort of changed. i found myself able to adapt to the environment, to the crazy and hectic life there. i met up with people and we'd become friends and i found myself not that depress and homesick as before. The longing is still there, it will never fade, it probably just subsides a little bit.

then, i found chance to get home again. For three days and i grab this opportunity to come back to gather with family because i really do miss them. Then, we parted again. i was sad all over again but eventually i pulled through everything and moved on.

i waited patiently and fulfilled my time and life with colors and beautiful memories, that's what writing blog is all about. i need a variety of the hue of colors in my life. then, i guess my gangs and i started to really enjoy the college life because it started to involve boys. God, this is so not me. Nonetheless, we never let the wicked attraction of the opposite sex to hinder or deter us from striving for the top spot in the classes. Selfish to admit that they'd become sort of our favourite pastime to endure the days.

Now, i am sad all over again. i never really want to go back even there's a Chace Crawford or Chuck Bass wandering or loitering around the college. All i ever wanted was more time at home, with family, time for myself, slow things down, enjoy life at home.

Stuffs

• i had two plates of "Kuey Tiaw" aka Hor Fun, one is of plain soup and another one is of "lor", with the sticky, thick glutinous gravy; the bestest way to serve Hor Fun, known as Wat Dan Hor in cantonese. See, i picked up a sprinkling of Cantonese during my stay in Perak. i learnt Cantonese from watching dramas and movies through cable television since young but never use it in daily conversation before. i guess this is the time to polish up my Cantonese.
• i bought 'The Wedding', reading it all over again, fall in love all over again and i really really adore beautiful words, beautiful phrases. ......i slipped under the covers and turned to face my wife. Her breathing was steady and deep, and i could see her eyelids fluttering, letting me know that she was dreaming. Of what, i wasn't sure, but her face was of peaceful, like that of a child. I stared at her, wanting and not wanting to wake her, loving her more than life itself. Despite the darkness, I could see a lock of hair lying across her cheek, and i stretched my fingers towards it. Her skin was as soft as powder, timeless in its beauty. Tucking the strand of hair behind her ear, I blinked back the tears that had mysteriously sprung to my eyes. i love Nicholas! 'The Wedding' is strongly recommend for those married couples. i want my parents to read it. Pup should really read it.
• i met Huiwoon in Tesco today. HAHAHA. i was like super excited and overwhelmed with exuberance to see her, to talk to her. It had been only days i haven't meet her. i just realized that i miss her, quite a lot after being her college-best-friend for a few months already. We shared like almost anything and Huiwoon is really nice.
• i bought clothes today, like in a rush, so just picked up a couple of them though really like them. i was acting like the typical sensible and wise consumers in which they'll go for bargain for hours but in my case just took a few minutes for the sake of trying/training to be one of the wise and sensible consumers. It was awkward though. The seller probably thought that i was only a kid and maybe was thinking that "Hey this girl is deceivable, let's earn some money from her." So, she charged me RM49 for two pieces of blouses. Fine. The one i spotted in Parkson was like RM 50-60 over for just one piece. So, the cheap one will do i guess. Sigh. it always took me so long to buy suitable attires. i'm too picky and fastidious in this sort of things. Everything needs to be perfect, attain the perfectionism that i have limited. So, most of the time, i ended of buying nothing after strolling in the mall over and over again and passed the days miserably thinking about the slipped opportunities.
• Since when, i couldn't remember that i'd became a little bit of conscious of my physical appearance. Friends started to tease me about wearing the same clothes (Baju Kurung) for classes and then recently, my tutorialmates, sort of couldn't resist the sight before them anymore of me wearing either the lavender or Cyan Baju Kurung over and over agin which sore their eyes. Great. i told them that Mum said we attend school not to show off our fashion sense. Now, it hit me back. What's up with all this expanding closet thingy? They even asked to vary my style like tie up my messy hair, use contact, etc. So, i just listened, wondering why are these people so concern of my appearance. It did concern me. Why they had to make such comments and remarks about me? Now, i do feel like a need to upgrade and improve myself. TT
• My waist just gained a few inches.i could feel it. i gained pounds. i was like 'showing off' to Pup and Mum. Pup was like have a touch on my protruding tummy, shaking his head and grin, Mum paid ignorance yet i managed to catch a hidden smile. They know me well that i couldn't resist food. i could swallow just anything that's not too disgusting. i had been eating a lot lately! Food is one of the best part about life! Live to eat!
• Yong Tau Fu, which tasted a lot like Chee Cheong Fun and it's very yummy and delicious. Costed RM12. i shared with Woon and it took us more than one hour to finish up everything.
  

TreasureHunt

i found things again from my stuffed-files.

Those pictures were taken on i-forgot-the-date but it's Thursday and there're a few vital events that happened and i would like to highlight them because they just popped up in my mind like it's just happened yesterday and i'm so going to inscribe it in my today's post.

My club actually had organized "Treasure Hunt" on that specific day for another club to join because we're going to join another competition which was going to be organized the morrow by that club. So, it's something like mutually beneficial because everyone wants to involve themselves as much as possible to strive for the co-curriculum marks in order to apply into the local most coveted universities namely University Malaya and University Sciences Malaysia with the coveted courses that they desired of. Frankly, i frowned a lot thinking of my pathetically little marks and poor involvements in school/college activities when my report card was brought into comparison. i'm just so sick of those things. i frowned not because of i'm sad of having the shortest list but because i see the ugly side of people and the rat race which only brings disgrace. Sour grapes? Whatever. During high school, i didn't even care as much as the other bunches and it was a freak show to watch them running high and low requesting for signatures and stuffs from the teachers to get as much marks as possible. Therefore, as the lazy, pretending-to-not-care-much and passive student, i ended up getting super low mark i guess. i didn't even bother to know the figure. i just think it was odd. To get a seat in the university, i actually have to do all that stupid stuffs. Why can't i just concentrate on things that're more important and put all these stupid and crappy involvements things behind because apparently, those who're not under government institution don't seem to get big head of striving for marks for a comfortable seat in the university. That's it. Comfortable. These people are struggling to get into comfortable zone. What if i'm comfortable by being placed in a uncomfortable zone with ample space by my side because it's obvious that everyone has get into comfortable zone which make that zone an uncomfortable one with so much people packing together like being stuffed in a sardine can.

Continue...

i was in charged of one of the stations. Thereshana aka Theresha is the head, along with me and what's-her-name were making a 'spiderweb' for them to cross over in order to finish the task but, but we made it more challenging by making them(in trio) to hold along a long straw that's joined up by several short one with only two fingers for each of them. Actually, the 'web' was built by me, Huiwoon, Jiening and Soohui. We then played for a few rounds after the working to make sure that it's totally do-able and we had a blast.

It was FUN!

So, i assumed that everyone was having a blast on that freaking day especially at our station. It's all about cooperation, trick, fun, laughters, chill and more laughters.

One of the significant events that had happened on that specific special day was that i met up HIM! OMG! i was like super excited. Oh Great! Now i remember. This happened on the 10th of September, Bro's 19th B-Day, the day i love so much, the day i got the chance to talk to HIM in the afternoon and in the evening, i bumped into HIM again by fate. Wow. This is great. My memories work better now.

So, i was talking to Theresha about things like our origins, Lindan, being a vegetarian (learnt that some strict vegetarians don't eat garlic and onion for some obscure reasons. i thought that were vegetables so it's edible to them but they are forbidden to consume them as they claimed it bring lust to meat and poisonous or sort) and so on. then, we were like joking around of how inconvenient it was for the students to take a diversion when they passed through the five-foot-walkway because we'd set up the magnificent 'spiderweb'. Some were totally cool about it, some were really furious, some were playing around, some were tense and it's so much fun to look at different reactions from the passerby.

Holiday is my guilty pleasure

Uh. I want to jump off a cliff (tension! tension! tension!) but i love myself too much to do so. It's not as if there's even a cliff around here.

Holiday is my guilty pleasure. I could spend one whole day doing absolutely nothing. I don't mean nothing literally but doing all those utterly pointless stuffs in the midst of welcoming the stressful examination week. MUET speaking test is due 7th of October. Die. Speak MORE.

Me and Di hit the mall today. i shopped in Popular wishing that i could find what i have been looking for ; The Last Song. My instinct never fails to disappoint me. It wasn't there instead Nights in Rodanthe and The Wedding were on the rack which made me jumped up of joy for a second. Great. Good to know/assuming that The Lucky One has been sold off and they're having Sparks' novels here. Dejected to know that The Last Song was not there. My whole journey and excitement turned out to be a big disappointment.

Miley Cyrus stars as Ronnie in The Last Song. Hell yeah. It's adapted into movie, like always. That's the fun part about reading Sparks'. It's still in pre-production yet i'd watched the trailer in Youtube before. i was able to complete the first 29 pages by downloading from internet. Have i mentioned how much i love the advance of technology before? When i look at you by Miley is one of the soundtrack of the movie in which i find it very inspiring and nice and beautiful. i think i just develop a little bit of affinity towards Miley because she's playing the main role, the main character, in Sparks' novel.

i can't wait for Dear John (Channing Tatum!), The Lucky One and The Last Song.

WHEN I LOOK AT YOU ; MILEY CYRUS

Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a soul
A beautiful melody
When the night's so long
Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy

Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore and I
Can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you

When I look at you
I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong and I know
I'm not alone

Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore and I
Can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you

You, appear, just like a dream to me
Just like cyledoscope colors that
Prove to me
All I need
Every breath, that I breathe
Dontcha know?
Your beautiful

Yeah yeah..

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I cant find my way home anymore
Thats when I,
I I look at you
I look at you

Yeah yeah..
Oh oh..
You appear just like a dream to me..

p/s i believe that the 'You' is referring to the Lord in Christianity. Pardon me if i am wrong. It just seems so right ain't it?

Titbit

• Gravitational is not responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein
• Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein
• i want to go to China! The States! UK! Travel around the world!
• i want to get a few pieces of Abbey Dawn.
• i want Black Star.
• i need to get out to see the world by tomorrow. i need to do some shopping, have a shopping spree.
• i need to continue my studies after these idle days in order to prepare for my first semester examination in which i should really score or else they'll kick my butt out of the college. My class motto is "H4T26 Full of Love May God Bless Us 4.00". Haha.
• i still miss HIM though i know it's not Love. i just want to know HIM. Is that too much that i'm asking for?
• i need inspiration. Why medicine again?
• i just discovered that William Shakespeare's wife named Anne Hathaway.
• Does everyone come back for Raya? Are we going for gathering or something? Are you guys missing me out, like always? Haha. Fine. i'm just curious of what have became of all of the former classmates.
• Do i need Facebook?

My answer

I found something.

So, i figured i'll note this down.

So, i'm about to step into the age of 18 this coming October. During the adolescence stage, we're attracted to the opposite sex or for some minority, still trying to figure themselves out, trying to find their obscure identity. As for me, of course, i'm attracted to the opposite sex especially the cute one and the one i assume a nice one then it turned out i was so deadly wrong. How could i be so sure? At the tender age, i know nothing. Love is not a romantic feeling, love is a responsibility. Love needs a lot of efforts.

Corinthians 13 : 4-8

Love is patient and kind, it's never jealous.

Love is never boastful or conceited.

It's never rude or selfish,

it does not take offense and is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in others' sin but delights in the truth.

It is aways ready to excuse, to trust,

to hope and to endure whatever comes.

(p/s also inscribed in A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks)

So, Love is deep right. Nonetheless, i know the easy way to love. The love i have for my family. It's effortless, it's simple, it's so great, it's divine, it's a pleasure and it's beyond words. i don't have to excruciate over it, to wait, to figure things out because i just know as it comes naturally and it's permanent that i love them and i can just feel it; the celestial and lavish love of my family. i don't have to question, i don't have to do anything, it just develop naturally and i don't have to fight, to struggle for it as it's never jealous. That's what i love about love.

Recently, i dreamed of never growing up. i want to live forever with my happy family because i just love them very very much. i want to stay like THIS forever. i want to stop time, like right now. i don't want my parents to grow old and i've read across that the scientists discovered that aging process is reversible though it's still under research. i want them to be imperishable. i can't just bare to imagine what would become of me if i were to wake up to find they're not around and never to see them for real again. They should live forever, they deserve to be immortalized not just in my heart and mind or to capture their soul in a piece of me, neither should they be captivated perpetually in the photographs nor paper but to live forever in this magnificent universe and we shall be together to discover what the earth will bring about. Vampirism is the only chance if that's even real. i want to see them alive and to be by my side not to just reserve an ample space in my heart and mind of their beautiful memories because i don't believe in the past but the present and the future. Moreover, i'm forgetful. i'm not granted with the coveted photographic memories but i'm only an ordinary so i probably will just forget every good things due to depression and though i'll still be able to be completely overwhelmed by their undying love occasionally without their presence, it's not enough, it's never enough. They should be real and vivid because i long for their touch and embrace from time to time. They have to be real because even though i'm given an infinite time, i'm never able to repay, to take my obligations to give thanks and to devote to my family. i'm so scared of not able to do what i want to do for them, with them. i'm so scared to be left alone in this solitude world to surmount the obstacles without them by my side. Having them living in my trembling heart is never enough. We are together. We belong together.

i know that i'm selfish. if i'm never to grow, i'm so going to stay like this forever and my parents are going to slog hard to provide good life to me. When is the time for me to take over? i'm the one who should take care of them but i love being taken care of. What's on the other world? i wish that all the bestest things can happen to them solely. They couldn't just leave me alone, can they? Who's going to take care of me? To love me unconditionally? i only have faith in them and i love more than words can can. Love is like the wind, i can't see it but i can constantly feel it.

Therefore, in my humble opinion, the love i have for that special someone is not an easy task because i just love myself and my family so much that i don't think i will love him enough or there'd be enough space to love. i don't know whether i'll be able to contribute willingly because i've been loved so effortlessly, so easily, so serenely and so joyfully all this while. i don't even know how to love because apparently, how pathetic this is, i've never been in love so unconditionally and wholeheartedly by that special one, in other words, i've never meet my soulmates (will i ever?) but i'm already very very much grateful with the love i have for the Almighty God and my Loving Family. It'll never cease instead it's irrevocable.

Of course, i dreamed of being loved unconditionally and wholeheartedly by that special someone as that's every girl's dream. i found it only exist in fictitious world. it is painted so beautifully and crafted so delicately in words and it lasts eternally. It happens to me that the love i have for my Family and God is the only real thing and last forever. Let says if IT happens to me one day, how am i going to make sure it's for real, that freaking time, because i've stumbled across sureality and i'll never know when Love strikes, it's for real, it's granted to me and i happen to be the luckiest person on earth. My special one has got to be my soulmate, my life-partner, to be included in my Family in which i can love HIM unconditionally and effortlessly, not resentful, never envy, always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. God gives me too much and He will take away some things from me so that equilibrium is attained. i'm positive that He'll not take away the Love i have for Him and my Family, but He may take away my romance. Let it be. i'm not in desperation to seek for it as i'm satisfy with what have. If it's my destiny, it will come someday. See, waiting is a long suffering. i'm not planning on that to put myself in agony and jeopardy. By the way,i don't think or have faith that i will be loved wholeheartedly by that special one because i don't deserve it.

i love God, i love my Family, i love my Life and i love Me. If He comes, it should be a perfect one, perfect as in what i assumed perfect. Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.

i hope that this post serve as a perfect and solid answer to Weinie, Huiwoon, Jiening and Soohui.

We've been discussing about relationship a hell lot recently because apparently everyone gets crushed. i'm probably more of an introverted, having peculiar and bizarre thinking, we're sharing different point of views and all these words are what i truly, genuinely feel from the abyss of my heart.

When that moment comes, it should be perfect. It it doesn't, hell yeah, i'm just fine.

Selamat Hari Raya

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. i think the Muslims celebrated the New Year the most joyfully and meaningfully because it signifies the end of their fasting period. The can enjoy having all the good food and drink whenever they want and don't have to endure all those challenging moments in which faith is the only thing that keeps them sane and alive.

So, i'm celebrating Hari Raya too this year, in addition to welcome the coming Mooncake Festival as Huidi's request.

i am so kiddo. i like that, i like being a kid. i'm just a kid.

i'm never fond of children because i think i freaked them off. Whenever i see toddlers or babies, my mind was picturing the scene of people posing their cute faces and acted like a kid trying to attract the attention of that particular toddler, trying to play around because that particular toddler is so darn cute. i tried too because they are just so cute. I just want to see whether they'll be fond of me too yet i failed miserably every single time. They'll just give me a numb look, a serious and stern look, trying to tell me i'm a loser or something. Ok. Fine. i leave them alone. Sometimes, they can like laugh out loud for something ****** that i couldn't even understand. i'll look around, trying to search for the source of their laughters but couldn't find any, well even if i did, i didn't find it funny as what they think it is. Children, they're simple but i complicated them so i find it difficult.

i was playing with them in the evening with the lanterns and candles and (OMG!) balloons. So, i joined the Girls' team. They're like children from around 7-12. i am going 18 this coming October still i managed to squeeze myself into their innocent and childish world. The girls were Jinrou, Yongjie, Jiajia, Huidi and of course ME! The boys were Vincent, A Cheng, A Chang, Jiayun and Daniel. Yeah, say 'Hello' to kiddo 'Che'. i totally put myself into their world, screaming around, playing hard, trying to win all the super childish and fun games (childish comes with fun and more laughters). At the end of the day, it's a tie because nobody wants to lose. Typical children.

i was so scared of balloons. I was so scared of playing with the balloons, especially the bursting part. The burst was like so annoying and it scared the hell out of you as if your soul lost a piece of its part. i kept on telling them 'i'm scared, i'm so scared, can i withdraw from this game?'

Everyone was like so supporting. i so want to cry and i'm so touched. They kept on encouraging me, telling me i can do it, there's nothing to scare about, it's fun and stuffs. I LOVE YOU GUYS! So, i braced myself on the second round. i blew the fancy balloon and just sat on it with my fat ass and then it burst ; 'Booooooom!'. Hooray! i made it! i conquered my fear. The whole session was filled with so much of laughters and noises and screams and fun and i just laugh out loud. i think i've never laugh so hard before in my lifetime, maybe for just a couple of time before, that's why i'm inscribing this one down. i laughed till i feel like pee-ing, till i felt like the urine is so coming out and then i couldn't stand still and my stomach was aching playing with all these kids because they're just so fun to be with. i belong to the kids. My happiest moment was with the kids around.

Thank you so much kiddoes. i owed you guys a lot today because you guys just made my day and you guys made me laugh a lot today and i like to laugh like i'm the happiest person in this universe.

So, me and the kids. We are so much alike. i never want to grow old. i want to live like children forever that i could. Maybe i'll grow physically so just one thing i want to retain, the children's beautiful, innocent and pure soul. Nonetheless, i still think that raising a child needs a lot of efforts and i doubted that i will make a great mother should i be granted a child as graceful and beautiful as they are. Duh. i'll never have one because apparently i'm not getting married and not planning on it unless i really find my true soulmate.

Pup said that he thought it was fun looking at me playing with the kids.

Hell yeah. i'm just a kid. Freeing my soul...to the wonderland.

One hour of Ups and Downs

i came back yesterday midnight, couldn't fall asleep after long hours of journey and thus resorted to internet browsing.

The minutes were filled with ups and downs.

1. Avril and Deryck have split, means they are no longer together and that really upset me. TT

2. New Moon trailer is now available on Youtube. i hate to admit this but i really like JACOB! Omg! Jacob is so darn cool. i can't wait till 21/11.

3. i want to read/watch The Time Traveler Wife.

4. i think i don't really love HIM like i did, yesterday. Long Story.

Supposedly Great Day

Supposedly another GREAT day.

Yesterday evening was like the HAPPIEST moment in KMPk. Woon and i heard the announcement that the day after tomorrow, which is tomorrow is a holiday and students are allowed to go back today.

My jaw dropped and Woon was like jumping around with the excitement and i, still in the state of astonishment, couldn't really believe what i'd just heard just keep on mumbling OMG! it took me seconds before i joined in Woon and laughing out loud because we, at that particular moment assumed that we are able to get into the damn bus and get home today. So, later in the evening, we went to 'Terminal Siswa" to ask Uncle Mus about the exchange of schedule or anything as we are eager to go home. We waited. Had a little bit of snack, drink, ICE-CREAM!, chit-chat and just wait. Then, we saw the notice, "Ganu-KB 10.30 mlm 17/09/09". Woon screamed, AGAIN. Jiening, Soohui, Woon and I then happily danced back to our dorm. We started packing like crazy. Then struck dumb by an odious news and made my mood faded. There's probably won't be any changing of bus schedule for those who're going back to Kelantan, but there's no classes for tomorrow.

DARN.

We went to ask for confirmation again today and apparently, everything runs as the normal plan. We only get to board the bus by tomorrow but maybe there'll be a early depart. I was like so upset for the whole day. How irony ain't it? Yesterday's evening was like the happiest moment ever and then today morning was like the saddest morning ever. No mood to study, no mood to do anything at all, just tired and jaded and miss home.

So, tonight, this evening, we're heading to the mosque for a prize giving ceremony and midnight, we're so going to have a party in Weinnie's room and just have fun and get over this agonizing news. Perhaps, it is a blessing in disguise.

i need SPICES

Nothing GRAND happened since yesterday and in the past few hours which make me lifeless and a little bit moody. Have been feeling extremely tired and bored of the long study hours and long to go home as soon as possible. Friday's coming yet it still seems so far away, as if the next two days is a two decades. Well, time is relative. It depends on how i spend my time, who i spend my time with and what makes me eager to past through the infinite time.

i am a Libra

Supposedly a GREAT day.

Libra
September 23 - October 22

Tuesday, September 15
A few new opportunities could make life pretty interesting right now. You should find that you'll be able to make a very good impression, and some important people may be looking very favorably upon you today. You could find yourself gaining increased respect from other people around you as well, and you should be very successful in almost anything you do at this time.

I have been addicted to horoscope reading. Just want to know how true it is.

Lucky to not bump into that "officer" on my way to the super-boring-and-brings-no-knowledge Biology tutorial class in the morning and still got in time as all of us (me and my roomates) wake up late, like 0720am today.

i am sad because i haven't meet him for days. So eager to bump into him. Nonetheless, i leave it to God's will and fate. Sometimes, when opportunities strike, it all depends solely on you to make that oppurtunity a worthy one and never to let it slip away in which i had just failed terribly a few days ago. God did answer my prayer and make miracles happen but then He left the rest to me and then i just screwed it up. So, do need some luck, a little fate and moves which come naturally from the audacious tempts. I NEED A CHANGE. A CHANGE in myself so that my life is livelier and colourful. So that when i look back in the future, i won't feel any regret.

By the way here's the Lovecast reading for this week.

Libra's LoveCast

Tuesday, September 15
Your work undergoes a shift of priorities during the current Saturn-Uranus opposition, which might reveal a hidden talent that needs to be explored. In romance, a group gathering can bring love at the start of the week. Love blooms in a serene environment after Friday's New Moon. This weekend, you're antsy for action on Saturday - and a magnet for admirers on Sunday!

SO NOT GOING TO COME TRUE. We are going back home this weekend and how the hell am i supposed to meet him up????!!!! tell me tell me tell me. Go to stalk on him?!

Bad Day

i'm having a bad day, a super bad way to start my supposedly-joyful day.

i was going for English Lesson (NOW having, doing internet browsing, posting my blog-post because we apprently have nothing to do). On my way, i met with this someone, i think she's a superior officer, who asked me to change my attire. According to her, if i were to wear formal clothes such as blouse or sort, it should cover up my backside aka the ass, i was like...what?!
Of all other days, today was the one the ****** college is having a checkup of the students. i was so blurred at first because when she was approaching me, i thought she was talking to someone else behind me or sort and when i turned around, there's no body there and it hit me that she was talking to me.
So. i went for change for my Baju Kurung, late for class for a few minutes.

i hope that today's going to be a great day! Start out bad but end up great right?

Breaking my Fast

Irony ain't it?!

i had the same thing for breaking-fast meal as what i had for my breakfast/sahur, except for he extra delicious Tomyam.

So, there was like a talk before the breaking fast ceremony, and it took forever to wait until 720pm. i was like glancing at the time every single minutes, not paying much attention at all to all the things the organizer had to say, seriously do need to get a decent and cool watch.

i think i was like the most eager participants to break my fast. The very first one to stand up to grab my food and put it on my plate. Along the way, i was complaining to the committee about how irony it turned out to have the same thing for breakfast and dinner.

After i grabbed my food, i sat down and all the excitements seemed to fade away. i don't know why, but i just feel weird.

So, last night, i was so bloated and full.

i'm so proud of myself that i feel like everything is possible if i have the will and determination to complete it.

p/s : Horoscope reading doesn't seem to imply any good signs.

Sometimes, i wish that i could get over this love-sick matter ASAP. it's bothering me so much but i do it partially to have some fun out of it. Yet, it wasn't really my intention to get a crush on someone but then it just happens.

FASTing

I've never believe in astrology and horoscope reading.

However, it was quite accurate based on the sweet and sour outcomes that'd happened to me this week. "A clash of wills is likely on Saturday". OMG! Scream Scream Scream. That was just so true. i think i'd made a lot of unpardonable and irreversible mistakes today. i should have braced myself and make moves but then i just stood rooted to the ground, doing nothing, saying nothing, and i'm just so dumb. i could have kill myself. TT

i hope that something changed by next weekend. Please Please Please.

So, today was the Fasting Competition which had been postponed. i am still waiting IMPATIENTLY to break my fast and eat as if i haven't eat in three days' time. i had THIS for breakfast/sahur today...and drink tonnes of plain water.

One more hour to go. i think i can make it.

I love TODAY!

OMG! i super LOVE today.

Bumping into him is a blessing but talking to him is like So SO SOO a bonus!

OMG! i love talking to him.

However, a few days before, i just come into realization that Kelantanese-Mandarin is like way too weird and so jumbled up if i were to converse to those from the other states because of the slangs that i/we use. So, it's kind of embarrassing when they go agape and give you a perplex look for not understanding what're you saying and it hit you that even though we're Chinese and we converse in Mandarin, we don't always seem to get each other.

So, talking to him, i have to be extra careful and meticulous in choosing words. Yeah. Like i have time to do that with my slow and numb mind, facing my crush. Lost of words, lot of lust lost in thought and all my brain asked me to do is to just ogle, thinking of nothing but just stare, straight into the pretty eyes wondering how could someone could have get those damn beautiful eyes. Watching him is like among the best thing to do among my monotonous days here. So, we could have converse in English right? Dang. The thing is that ... i don't want to let the others feel like i'm arrogant or anything trying to speak English. And he seemed to be more comfortable in Chinese as i'd tried in English before. It's not as if he couldn't speak fluently but maybe he's been used to Mandarin.

So, i have been so excited about today. I love today. I love the minutes that passed away just now and i am still in love with today, this moment, ths celestial moment that have been imprinted in my mind. Thank You God, Thank You so much for today. it's like the happiest and i know, my horny-iest day ever. By the way, i'd forgotten to scream "i like you so much you know!!!" just now, in my heart. What a disappointment but all the plot and everything covered it up and i'm feeling so darn HAPPY. But now, i would reconsider of doing that silly thing, is it possible that one day i might lose the grip of my tongue and blurted out what my mind's speaking/screaming?

So, today is my brother's 19th birthday.Happy Birthday BRO! i LOVE YOU! and i miss YOU!

Last night at 1200 a.m. sharp, i braced myself and texted him, wishing him "Happy B-Day ! :D"

0219 a.m., i got a reply, "Thanks !" Whoa. i feel like i could fly.

It's 10.09.2009.

Hmm...could it be that my brother's a lucky star to me because he seems to have luck in everything and bring luck to others too as what Daddy claims. i always think that he's so blessed and lucky and could have been the luckiest child ever. i think of a lot of things about him actually.

i actually have a lot of stuffs to pour out here but then maybe i'd just continue in another post because today's post is supposed to be the most exciting and joyful post ever and i don't want to tarnish and smear the content because of this hidden dejected feeling of Zhiming.

Found this on internet! That's why i love today! It's Thursday!

Libra's LoveCast

Thursday, September 10
A night out fires you up on Monday. If you're solo, be open to attracting someone new. A midweek rendezvous can deepen intimacy, if you take your time between the sheets! Romance soars on Thursday and Friday. A clash of wills is likely on Saturday. Deep feelings arise on Sunday to inspire or upset love.

Get your free mobile LoveCast

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

what's His planning for me?

Muahaha. Today, i really screamed INSIDE my heart when i heard the hello from HIM. It's still echoing in my mind, "Hello, Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi, Hi. i'm someone who's not going to greet the other one unless that other one starts to greet me first though under certain circumstances like ... well, couldn't think of any now, i would start the greeting, but normally i would reply with a smile or a 'hi' or 'hello' when the other one/the people i know do the greeting first. So, i think that in this sense, i was labelled arrogant among my acquaintances.
The other day, i remembered that i wasn't screaming as what i've always wanted to do, for the sake of fun. Maybe my mind was too blank that time and could think of my next move. i blamed myself then, i kind of get over it because i'm confirmed that there'll be a next time. Apparently, the next time, is today.
The 3 seconds were so odd though. There was like people watching and then i just ducked down my head, looking at the floor, like always and then walked away. Shit. i hope i wasn't blushing. Even if i did flush red, it isn't supposed to be very obvious due to my dark complexion. It was really weird and embarrassing. Reminiscing the moment just now was sweet but sour in the sense that ... ... it's just way too weird.

Tomorrow is my brother's birthday. i was so astounded of how much my brother had changed. it wasn't as if i didn't even recognized him anymore but i think i jut don't know him. Luckily, his unique and beautiful voice is permanent. it ain't going to change and it would stay that way, and it should, and that'll be the one and only untouchable stimulus for me to recognize him.
i've been so happy these few days thinking about my brother because he'd gone so much more GOOD-LOOKING over the years!!! Look, he's always the most handsome and beautiful in my heart but then his transformation enhanced that conception more. i think girls would have drool over him and i save his handsome picture in my mobile. i hope he wasn't irritated should he discover i put up his picture in my spaces here.
Wow. It really hit me. I haven't see him for such a LOOOOONNNNG time. i long to see him for real yet i'm not sure when are we going to meet again. God's like playing a game with us or solely me, who's desperate to see my brother, who's a complete stranger to me as i grow up and still is. When i was home, he wasn't in. And when i left, he was home. And then he departed and then i went back. Clash. Crash. Crap. He isn't going back for Raya holidays either, that means, i have to wait for another century again.

So, i do miss my brother, occasionally. And still couldn't forgive myself after all these years and always place myself in agony thinking about what could have happened if IT didn't happen the way it happen instead it happened the other way round. TT
What's in God's plan?

Breaking the Boredom

Three days break. i have been doing Chemistry like crazy. Then i read. i read Breaking Dawn and i absolutely love it because of the "erotic" contents. i am crazy about Edward and Bella all over again. i can't stop smiling, crookly, because it's very funny, cheeky and lustful. You should have seen my face because i know it's appalling. Well, it is truly a great remedy to break my boredom in the midst of my tormenting-fully-loaded-with-homework days/weekends.
So, the idea of starting reading Twilight-series was because last night, my roomates were watching Twilight and i can't help but was attracted to the screen and completely absorbed in watching it AGAIN. It had been days since i last glue-ing my frantic eyes on television or computer watching action movies or drama or shows or anything that have human touch and alive. i think i act like i've never seen a movie before in a hundred year.

Due to my laziness, i had biscuits and snacks for breakfast and lunch and more caffeine. I was struggling too just now whether i should come down from my claustrophobic room and see the world, get some light, because i'm just so lazy and i assumed it was a waste of my time. By the way, the whole skipping or consuming just a little bite of breakfast and lunch things was because i'm on a quest to loosen up my weight and fat. Nonetheless, it's just temporary. The whole idea is just temporary because i live to eat. This is really sickening. So, i came down, do some blog and internet browsing before i head to the cafeteria for decent food.

Disenchanted

NEXT NOVEL 'THE LAST SONG' SCHEDULED FOR RELEASE

Nicholas's next novel The Last Song is scheduled for a September 8, 2009 release. A major feature film, starring Miley Cyrus, Greg Kinnear, and Kelly Preston, is set to follow in January 2010.


OMG!!!!!
Someone someone someone someone please please please please please get me one of that when it's put up on the rack!!!

i have become exasperated and disenchanted with this college as there is no liberation and toleration at all. The students are still not allowed to go out(step the feet out of the college compound) and to have a talk with the HEP Unit (Unit Hal Ehwal Pelajar) is like the last thing i'm going to do because the officers have no mercy and no sense of courtesy at all and they freaked me out and having a word with them is like a waste of time and energy and it'd just raise up my blood level to an infinite level and i would probably get heart attack anytime and DIE. i hate the whole idea and i hate the fact that we're still being incarcerated after all this while.
So, so long goodbye. The Last Song. When the hell am i going to get it?


Be careful for what you wish for.

i think i just earn a stack of karma points yesterday night when i agreed to have a free tuition classes for a few of the college-mates after their continuos request. i ended up crawling to bed at the wee hour in the morning; 3 am.
It really worried me. Why the hell did they come for me? i am not even a genius who knows like just every single thing, who's omnipotent. i have a hell lot of weaknesses and shallow knowledge and i'm not a good study partner/teacher.
Nonetheless, i felt glad and happy and excited at the same time. One of them thanked me for guiding her previously on Electron Transport Chain that she scored full marks for essay question. Wow. i was like ... seriously?! You're good! i congratulated her and she thanked me back and i was like okay...yeah...welcome. i felt happy for her and i'm proud of myself that my contribution is very much appreciated and i'd helped her.
So, the consequences of this whole wanna-be Good Samaritan is that i ended up whining about not having enough time to do my stuff, to study, to finish the mountainous homework. Scream.

Mum and Pup said that by teaching people, we actually learn more and it helps in understanding more and i could benefit myself. So, the whole thing is actually mutually beneficial.

So, i have to do what i have to do. I'll help at the most that i can and hopefully i can enjoy the process. T T

Endurance

i fast today. i haven't eat since morning, the last time i had my very last gulp was around 7 am.
it hit me that if one has the intention, the determination to achieve something, all you have to do is to build up an undying faith and adhere to the saying "if you think you can you can!"

So all this fasting thing is my first attempt to prepare for the real competition day this coming monday. The Fasting Competition for non-muslims. And the prize is to have a free meal and special gifts for each successful participants. What the heck?! What's so grand about that right? Torturing the stomach, agonizing over the hours with no food, drinks and all.

So, why am i doing it?

i have been blessed all this while and i'm really thankful for that. i want to experience how the hell they make it for 30 days, once a year. When i think back, i always thought that it's a mission impossible for me to fast for a whole day because i love to eat and i can't stop eating. Now, after 9 hours of patience and perseverance, i am concluding that it's do-able. Therefore, i hope that i would surpass the test this monday and prove to myself that not nothing is impossible if i have the will, the determination and all that. It's the secret recipe towards success and excellence.

i can't believe how happy i am and how proud i am of myself. i can't believe that this whole endurance/fasting is making me so zestful. And i can go boast around that i have made it.

!!!

p/s i would probably break my fast later and ain't going to wait until 7pm though i believe that i can do it.

Mandy Moore - Cry

I'll always remember
it was late afternoon
It lasted forever
But ended so soon
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

It was late in September
And I'd seen you before
You were always the cold one
But I was never that sure
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

I wanted to hold you
I wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything
Alright

I'll always remember...
It was late afternoon......
in places no one will find

In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

I think i saw you cry
The moment i saw you cry
I wanted to know you


p/s i haven't heard from him for ages and it's totally okay for me.