Birth Day

 Huidi's birthday was on 18th of June. She's 9 years old now, it's not as if i had forgotten her age by accident but it's just that i was so clueless that particular moment, and the only thing that popped up my mind at that moment was "Oh, how old are you now?"

 My faintest memory of Huidi's birth on 18th June of 2000 was that my brother and i went to school late with Daddy. Father had sent Mother to hospital for labour and i couldn't even fathom the process or the pain of it and everything was such a blur back then.

 We went to hospital in the evening, i think. And i saw this tiny little figure in the small plastic cubicle, looking so innocent and pure and peaceful, sleeping so soundly, not knowing of what the future would bring. 

 My mother. How was her back then? What did she look like? Why was she lying on the bed, with the frail body? 

 then my new life with a much much much more younger sister began after 9 wonderful years as the youngest. i had became the middle one and i found out that Nicholas Sparks was encountering the same problems as i was as the middle one. Does all the middle child experience the same freaking things too?

 i was thinking about the cycle of life so often nowadays. The Muslims believe in the apocalypse day, the judgement day. it would fall on friday as what they believe. The symptoms are so vividly observed now, more population of females, more people, especially youths indulged in crimes and stuff and unending, malicious wars. The other symptoms include the rising of sun from the west and all the other impossibilities that only God has the ultimate power to do so. They seemed to afraid of death so much because they don't know what would become of them. They are afraid of God and they are afraid of death and i on the other hand is curious of death. Does Buddhists believe in God? i pray to God too in my solitude. But, i thought that Buddhism emphasizes more of the teaching of nobility, of learning from the Buddha of His compassionate , His wisdom and His others than made us not even an inch closer in comparison to Him that made us timid and fragile. i'm so going to get answers for these questions one day soon.  

Apple

 Three weeks with my brother, Nicholas and Micah Sparks.

 

 i wonder when is the last time i'd spent three weeks with my brother. Meaningfully. 

 It was the first ever novel that made me shed my tears. it wasn't The Notebook, it wasn't A Walk To Remember, it wasn't Nights in Rodanthe, it wasn't Message in a Bottle. It was "Three Weeks with My Brother". it was probably the book was a memoir, a non-fiction, a true story, a reality, a reality that i fear and tried to escape and resort to reading fictions.

 The word 'Apple' had left such a bizarre impact on me. i felt my chest just burning intensely with every words that followed and just read across the lines with mixed feelings. i hardly catch my breath and tears started to swell up in my eyes. My heart shrink. The story of Nicholas' son, Ryan made me feel just sad and dejected. As an autistic kid, i'm sure that Nicholas and his wife, Catherine must have gone through much hardships in raising him. i respected both of them so very much as they made the bestest parents ever.

 Three weeks with my brother made me think more. i'm not sure how to put it into words because everything is so jumbled up in my mind. The book centres around the pursuing of true meaning of life, the irony of life, faith, future, hope, and the others that are making me started to have a better reflection of my own life.   

  

Burst

 It's weekend again. 

 Why i the hell is that in the 7 days of a week, we only get to have 2 days of weekend? i wish i have 3 days or more because i need more time to do my stuffs, my never ending stuffs that i want to do because i enjoy doing it and so i don't have to steal time from the other 5 days doing it like a desperate moron.

 My buddies and i went outing again. Well, not in a complete army.

 i enjoy outing so much that i could at least escape from this college. i like outing so much that i could have self-indulgence in all the good food because as a sucker for food since young, i sort of like have been developing insipidity towards FOOD since my stay here. i eat only because to fill the stomach, to fill the churning stomach not because to satisfy my craving for FOOD.

 

 i've among the longest and memorable chat with my Mother today. i just blurt out, in this sense, typed out what's been bugging me these few days which concern of my future, feeling and favour. After all the whining and bla and bla and bla, my Mother assumed that i am under severe pressure. Oh well. i do feel stress, i do show the symptoms of stress, for instance i feel like screaming my lungs out sometimes. i do feel stress not because of the studies, the unending studies, the hectic hours of studies but it's a stress as a result of i have lost an unforgiving time to do what i like to do. i don't even have time for hobbies now which is pathetic as i have to become a theft to steal time in the interval of hours of days to dwell myself in the fictitious world. However, i think that it's quite wise to conclude that the studies do make me stress because studies is a reality. My studies here is a reality. To escape from the pressure, i choose to indulge myself in the fictitious world. Novel, the word itself means strange and new.

 

Chuck

Yesterday, i bumped into someone whom i assumed had Ed Westwick's sexy eyes! it struck me that i miss watching Chuck so very much. The Season Finale of Gossip girl is so darn good. Chuck had finally said 'I LOVE YOU' to Blair! Quote from GG's blog, we can all die happy now.
i so need to get home as soon as possible to finish Season 2. i so need to get back home to watch House MD and Grey's Anatomy because i found out that they're my only booster and the biggest influence on me why i prefer to do medicine. it's not glamorous whatsoever but i just love to know the diseases, the sickness and the correct way to cure or prevent them because death is imminent. Moreover, it's a challenging career. Imagine, i had to solve the case of whatshername who'd got A,B,C symptoms but the diagnosis show normal readings of the suspected sickness. it's just so interesting. i'd then have to find other solutions to save her. i would have to solve the riddle, i'd have to seek a rational explanation and a logical thinking of what's affecting her condition.
Perhaps, i would just end up doing Pathology. Pathologist. Why oh why, something that i'd decided since i-couldn't-remember has become so indistinct now and i falter. Where oh where is the enthusiasm?

Colours

 Today is like the most happiest day among my monotonous life in KMPk. When was exactly the last time i get compliment and get over the moon about it?

 Oh well, i can't remember. i didn't even think all the compliments on me were sincere and genuine enough to make me felt grateful for that.

 i'm now a bold person and i'd performed quite well during my Biology presentation this morning. Kudos to me! it was probably i'd learnt my lessons from the very first Moral Studies presentation which was super dull. 

 Everyone gave me a loud applause and made me went oh-oh. Sir was kind enough to made such remark that i'm so far the best from the rest of my classmates. i'm truly grateful for not screwing up everything and i'm truly grateful for having several helpful classmates to assist me before my presentation and after presentation, for instance, helped me to stick up my super "colouful" and "packed" (with coloured-words) 'mahjong paper' and asked me questions after my presentation which was compulsory because marks would be allocated. i repaid each and everyone who had lend out their helping hands with a bottle of Yakult. Then i bought a new adhesive tape for whatshername because i'd used up quite a lot of hers.

 i felt like the world is so under control of me, like i could do anything in just a simple click. too exaggerating, i know. i just want to stress that i'm really really excited and happy. i even cracked a joke during my presentation and almost everyone laughed at it, well for those who got it...My topic was about Passive Transport. i'm really looking forward for new challenges ahead because all these obstacles would eventually made me a better person. i'd grown up  lot today! i'd proved to myself that i'm no longer a loser.

 By the way, i do need to polish up my English speaking skills. Someone who speaks fluent English do befriending me please. i seriously need a best friend in which we can complement each other very very well. i kept on pronouncing 'the' as 'd'. shitty tongue.

The Hardest Part

 The hardest part was leaving, leaving without a will to leave. Well, in my recent case, it's more like an abundance. 

  It just happened so naturally that my tear reservoir burst out in sudden after feeling a pang of devastation, having to separate from the loved ones. Then i thought to myself, it's better that they didn't come for visit because it left me ached so much that my heart almost burst out and i could die in hideous. Crying was exhausting.

 i've learnt the true meaning of undying and unconditional love. Mother-Daughter bond is like the most amazing thing God has ever created in this universe. i truly felt like my Mother loves me so very much that nothing else's matter in her life but me. it's so painful to see her tears, her grief and her sadness. The scene could really kill. 

 i love you too, Mother. As much as i long to be with you, i do comprehend that it's impossible that i'll inseparable from you for the rest of my life like i'm stuck to you or something. As much as i want to stuck together with you, i'll never grow up. i'll never become what you've always want me to be - a successful person with virtues and all. Every child has to leave their parents eventually because that's just the way life is. So, i accept the way it is.

 i know that there'll be more tears streaming down in the next future and sorry 'heart', my mind is so going to torture you again and let me warn you, the pain is agonizing and anguished. 

 i love you, Mother.

       

Breathe

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Hyperventilation is a must every single day as i'm enduring my life here. i was staying in the third floor and my hostel is the further from  the lectures halls, cafeterias, library and other buildings. Perspiration is unavoidable too. Third floor. Long distance walking. Weather. Super active sweat glands. i miss my carefree life at home! 

i'm delirious with joy that the ridiculous yet stressful Biology Quiz 1 had ended for good! At least, i could have decent dinner now as for the past few days, i had been eating whatever there's as long as it made me full and could concentrate on my studies without having to think of my empty stomach. Moreover, i could cut down on my caffeine intake.

i'm super excited that my family's coming and i could leave college for A WHILE! It's haunted as what i'd heard from rumors. it's quite spooky, but let me forget about the whole supernatural things for a few days because the big day's just around the corner. Yay! Keep on telling people how excited i am! it's beyond words...it's among the most anticipating thing i've ever waited for, keep on counting days, keep on praying that everything shall be fine, keep on waiting for the loved ones! 

There's quite a lot of thing had happened to me last few days. i was in the very first group to do Moral Studies' presentation and was totally freaked out. Luckily, i'd managed to endure everything and i think that i didn't screw up because i'd managed to deliver almost everything i'd prepared though i missed out quite a lot of things. i didn't really care whether people

were listening or not as long as the lecturer was there to evaluate me. Nonetheless, i know that my presentation was super dull, no interaction, no humor, just plain boring. Whatever. i'm done with it! 

i would love to give my salutation to Aathityaa for she's truly a capable leader. She's so good in every single thing. She's so full of confident, she could speak well, English, Malay, Mandarin, Tamil, a sprinkling of Hokkien and Cantonese probably. In addition, i think every single lecturers know her very well now for her multi-talent and brilliance. i adore her so much. A true leader and a very diligent student as well. Kudos to you Aathityaa for your success in securing the scholarships from Public Service Department. i think you really deserved it and good luck in your future undertakings.

More quizzes are following up the very next week but seriously, i need a break.