Freedom

I see people receiving key-necklace from the mum, dad, family or whosoever for their 21st birthday, be it gold, silver or platinum. It symbolizes freedom that their parents recognise, it also indicates maturity and most importantly it symbolise an adulthood that I think parents starting to acknowledge hoping the children will soon take up the responsibility. It has never been a tradition in my family though. Therefore, it kind of baffled me to hear friends after friends joining the 21 club with their valuably sparkling key necklace and ornaments. I never want that for my birthday. I would be more happy to receive loads of cash and to see adddition digits in my bank saving account. I think hard for my desire birthday present. Suddenly, i just find it very irritating to even celebrate birthday because i believe that to date, nobody can ever give me the bestbooth day gift ever. And it has always been the only thing that i ever i wanted. I am more livid to learn that actually I am the one who hinder myself from grasping that taste of heaven.  all I ever want is the freedom of making decision that I would never be judged and evaluated on and become the talk and gossip of the town. I know that it would upset so many people and god only knows I probably trigger sudden death due to cardiac arrest or just due to depression that they share. I want a free life, a free soul, no longer binding to any institution or to station to whatever that I am doing now. I want and need to breathe the air of happiness and carefreeness. U see, these are all very simple thing and they are free  no charges taxes whatsoever but I could never have them.

I have so many things to say but every time it always end with a no. No, I don't have anything to say and bye. The calling time has become shorter with each passing days and I found that I am no longer interested to share my stories and my what about or whereabouts because it just disgusted me. I have developed into becoming an introvert and bitter person. A very depressed and psychotic one. I don't even want to look them thru the virtual media. It just pain me and irritated me a little because I am making myself thinking hat they are the reason why am I suffering right now. It just agonised me because I want them to rescue me from these living hell but deep down, even though I occasionally voice up my problems, they bound to be indifference.

I am the most loneliest person in this world. 
you know youre loved by a lot of people and u have great parents but still feel lonely inside because nobody can ever give u what u need most. :'(