Dream

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKfDwChOoHI&feature=related

emotionally attached to this song. it best depicts my life! :')
too bad i never really get to speak to God, literally. not sure if He knows, He understands and eventually He brings that pain into everybody ackknowledgement?
if i were to fly from the highest tree, it would be committing suicide.
i still have that dream, i dont mean to change the world but i am sure i could touch people's life in so many other ways. even if people doubt it, i am very sure there are a lot that i can do. i may not be saving life. we are all just trained and programmed to remember this and that and make decision. it has to be someone who are willing to go thru al the turmoils and tribulations. it has to be someone who is willing to do all the gruesome works, all the dirty works. someone who removes tumour, who fix organs, who improve your life.
i still have that dream, just not this. just think it was tad hypocrite when you cant even sympathize with those apparently healthy people, not patients' difficulties. Just see them as a good example of learning person, occasion conversation and ask about their well-being. sure, it's worth to see that smile and thank you but does that all define a noble person?

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me. 
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green. 

I had a dream 
That I could fly from the highest swing. 
I had a dream. 

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be. 
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep. 

I had a dream 
That I could fly from the highest tree. 
I had a dream. 

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave. 
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing. 

I had a dream

Sincerely me

Dear God,

Again, I pray to You for strength and intellectual. I am praying for my friend, A also hoping that this friend will get thru the obstacles because apparently A deserves a much better life than I do. I pray that You bless the family and may A finds strength and courage in the journey too. A definitely needs more of those than me. Stop taking car of me but A instead. Sincere plea.

It's just one of those "insomnic" nights, again. Just end this chapter of my life already cuz I need a new chapter and new plot. Birthdays coming but i think it would be the most emotional birthday ever.

Freedom

I see people receiving key-necklace from the mum, dad, family or whosoever for their 21st birthday, be it gold, silver or platinum. It symbolizes freedom that their parents recognise, it also indicates maturity and most importantly it symbolise an adulthood that I think parents starting to acknowledge hoping the children will soon take up the responsibility. It has never been a tradition in my family though. Therefore, it kind of baffled me to hear friends after friends joining the 21 club with their valuably sparkling key necklace and ornaments. I never want that for my birthday. I would be more happy to receive loads of cash and to see adddition digits in my bank saving account. I think hard for my desire birthday present. Suddenly, i just find it very irritating to even celebrate birthday because i believe that to date, nobody can ever give me the bestbooth day gift ever. And it has always been the only thing that i ever i wanted. I am more livid to learn that actually I am the one who hinder myself from grasping that taste of heaven.  all I ever want is the freedom of making decision that I would never be judged and evaluated on and become the talk and gossip of the town. I know that it would upset so many people and god only knows I probably trigger sudden death due to cardiac arrest or just due to depression that they share. I want a free life, a free soul, no longer binding to any institution or to station to whatever that I am doing now. I want and need to breathe the air of happiness and carefreeness. U see, these are all very simple thing and they are free  no charges taxes whatsoever but I could never have them.

I have so many things to say but every time it always end with a no. No, I don't have anything to say and bye. The calling time has become shorter with each passing days and I found that I am no longer interested to share my stories and my what about or whereabouts because it just disgusted me. I have developed into becoming an introvert and bitter person. A very depressed and psychotic one. I don't even want to look them thru the virtual media. It just pain me and irritated me a little because I am making myself thinking hat they are the reason why am I suffering right now. It just agonised me because I want them to rescue me from these living hell but deep down, even though I occasionally voice up my problems, they bound to be indifference.

I am the most loneliest person in this world. 
you know youre loved by a lot of people and u have great parents but still feel lonely inside because nobody can ever give u what u need most. :'(