Days Gone By

It's a little painful for me to recall everything and type it down by recapturing

the purest memory i have about the deepest and darkest memory/secret but i

have got nothing more appropriate to crap apart from it since i have to hand in

an assignment on miscommunication thingy.

Nonetheless, as time passes, i find it still bearable maybe i have attained the

adaptation to it. Besides, things start to improve now and i like it a lot. i am

now a more cheerful and happy person. i am trying to enjoy life and savour

in every good that life has to offer.

it is undeniable that there are times that i will think of what could have happen

if i did not made that hugest mistake ever. Things would be not the same. i

am close to live a perfect, ideal life. but, i have to bear with it. i accept my fate.

i accept my mistake. maybe this is a lesson. maybe God think that my life is

too perfect that He take it away for a while.

Listening to Days Gone By and it's totally compatible to some extend because

the song is about love relation thingy between boy and girl and Hello! this is

about the conflict between my brother and i.

Communication is an indispensable part in our life because we meet and mingle around with different people in our daily life. A good communication needs mutual understanding therefore our way of delivery the message, expressing our thoughts and views as well as the management of our attitude are vital in order to prevent any misundersatnding and leads to communication breakdown.

My worst communication failure happens to occur between my elder brother and i. The event that leads to such detriment is still fresh in my mind and i would remember it for life. it is such a pain for me to recall everything because i am the one who induces the misundersatnding that leads to the inexplicable argument.

It happened on one gay evening in which my brother and i was playing and joking around like we normally do. My brother and i are really close since we are young. We fight a lot, we play together, we tease each other but we love each other dearly like any other siblings. Those good old days and my childhood are the most priceless memory i have and i treasure and cherish it a lot. Nonetheless, things changed because i made one mistake on that unforgettable day. My parents were asking for what we want to have as dinner because they were going to dine out. i told them what i had in my mind but there were this long moment to wait for my brother's response. i nudged him. My brother bound to be indifference hence i sort of raised my voice and told him to make his decision faster. i lectured him on how rude it is to keep our parents waiting for nothing but to concentrate more on the Play Station. Besides, i also provoke him by uttering that he is such an idiot for not being able to make such a simple and easy decision. My brother got on his nerves now that i sort of making him sounds like an inferior. He scolded me and asked me to just keep quiet. He walked away in angst and left me on the couch alone.

i was baffled by my brother's reaction because i had not see him in such unpleasure outrage and fury before. He had always been very soft spoken, polite and always give in whenever we were arguing. Even if we are mocking and teasing each other, he was never upset with me or raise his voice over me. He left me in tears a few moments later. How i wish i could take back my words. How i wish i could turn the clock around and alter everything. We have never spoken since then and it hurts me a lot to think of my unbearable mistake because we are not the same as how we use to be anymore. We seldom talk and i feel like a stranger to him now. Our parents are very well aware of our sudden indifference and ignorance towards each other. Although they did try to prompt us to talk to each other and communicate, we seem to have no interest in doing that because we were just too stubborn to give in as well as offering an apology to each other. After many times of attempt to reconcile us, our parents eventually leave everything to us because we were old enough to make the decisions and to settle the problems on our own.

It took me a lot of nerves before i start talking to him again after a long week of awkward silence. I know it has always been my mistake and the fault is on me to lead to such odd situation that changed my life forever. I know that even if we forgive and talk to each other again now, it will never ever be the same as before because the scar is there. I will try to communicate better with my brother every now and then because he is the only brother i have and my love for him is undying. I know that i have to make the initiation because he is stubborn to give in now as we grow older. He has too much of egoism in himself but i can tolerate with that because i have to mend things up before it is too late. We still care for each other and my brother helps a lot when i am in university, far away from home. However, there is still an unbreakable barrier between us because we have left the misundersatnding to prolong to such a long time before trying to fix things up. Nonetheless, I believe that there's still a lot of improvement can be made and i am not going to give up on gaining back what i have lost. I will try to talk to him more often by making him feel more comfortable. I will always try to compensate and compromise. I will never shout at anyone anymore regradless the person is older than me or the young ones. I promise to behave and change my rebellious attitude because it will only cause annoyance.

The event taught me of how importance it is to speak to others in polite manner and never irritate others directly but maybe to give advices and opinions later on so as not to cause any embarassment to any parties. It is also essential to apologise immediately if ever any terrible unwanted mistakes have been made that cause undesire argument. Besides, a good and decent communication can be achieve by the correct usage of language and the proper management of attitude. Moreover, when speaking in front of public, the delivery of informations have to be precised and accurate. I believe that the failure in communication in public is far worst than between friends or family members because it involves a lot of people with different background and statuses. Prevention is better than cure. Thus, think twice before delivering is crucial so as not to irritate any parties or conveying any inaccurate messages.

The Ugly Truth

it has been a while i didn't update my blog. well. too much of studies which i still doubt that i know a thing from it because basically i just read through and forget everything. that's my main problem of my learning/studying outcome and not forget to mention my addiction to facebook.

the other day, i was at the train station, waiting for the next 10 minutes about to arrive train to come and get me home, to my aunt's house where i can escape from everything that's so darn distracting in college. well. i was waiting, patiently with my heavy bag with all the books and clothes and notes and Mac in it. then, the train came.

OMG. the people were crazy! the crowd was crazy! they gone cuckoo and everyone just emerged from no where and cut the line, squeezing in between the people, young, olds, ladies, men, and they just dont care about everyone else as long as they got to make it into the coach with just one single door open though there're up to 3/4 coaches. the sight before me totally left me dumbfounded. the people here are so damn ugly. they could have dress well, they could have wear one nice expensive suits, they could have looked gentlemen, they could have looked elegant and beautiful but when it comes to this desperation, oh hey, let's forget all the manners and courtesy. What the hell is wrong with the world?

i was in the middle of this crowd, looking like a nerd with my Physiology reference book in my hand and just watched these people pushing against each other, yelling around, not giving a chance, no tolerance at all. and there was this guard, yelling at the frenzy crowd and i looked at her thinking 'duh....as if they are going to listen'. So, i give up. i spent the next half an hour waiting for the next train.

this was among the very early lessons i learnt about life. that sometimes, it's not easy to be a Good Samaritan. That sometimes, i have to fight for myself. i have to be mean to others and myself if i want something so much. Chances do not come too often in my life and when it slips, all i get is misery and remorse. The world could be ugly but i have to be beautiful to make it less ugly. i wonder how many beautiful people are left in this world? Someone like Barry (in Dinner for Schmucks). Gee. the incident totally make my mind blowing. it's still vivid in my mind. and the next train, i was push inside the specifically provided ladies coach by those behind. i was so afraid of the people in front that i barely touch them. there's the gap there and people should really beware of it. When are they going to learn to behave? just queue up people. you got nothing to lose. first come first serve. fair enough? yes. The world is never a fair place. but i choose to see things using different angles and perspective because that's how we live life to the fullest. you might lost something but you would gain some other things in return. God is always fair.

and yeah. so i missed the train out of my dumbness for trying to be good, polite, follow the rules and all. it's a life lesson. Got to fight for myself but still maintain my decency. The olds, the sick one, the unfortunates. duh. i have a lot to think, about people, about life, about the ugly world!

and i went for the much needed haircut. i feel so great about life. it's like it gives a new lease of life to me and i am full with driving force. it's so light. so carefree and i can jump and run freely without the messy hair. no. it's still messy. messy is just so me. anyway, i just love the new me.

it's beautiful

today is another beautiful and special day. it's 10th of October 2010. 101010.

i do really really really love my life and can't stop falling in love with it and it's irrevocable. though i do admit that i have my own 'emo' moments but that is when unexpected things pop out to make me the happiest girl around. and i totally forget all my sadness.

things, have got to start with my dearest brother. he gives me a handbag for my birthday! yay! and it's ROXY. it must have been very expensive. i feel so guilty but at the same time i like it so very much. as much as i like it, i doubt that i will be using it. i like it for the color and design but i dont think it's my style. hmm. i think i like it because it's from my brother. and i choose to like it. you know. because it's from him. it's from him. it's from him. last person i would expect to give me present. nonetheless, i will put it into good use and utilize it because i can have my brother along with me all the time. i suddenly feel deeply deeply loved by my brother though i know he always love me. quote from minhui : "i lost and i gain something different'. yes. i do admit that i'd lost certai things but now, it'slike i am gaining this celestial thing and it has always been what i'm looking for.

next, i will learn to take every misery and dissatisfaction as a booster for me to strive for a better, beautiful moments. i love to laugh out loud and i dont like knowing me, myself is sad over some insignificant things. i have to be happy everyday. i have to smile more often and laugh out loud. i am so lucky to have a few best friends around. ^^ i really treasure and appreciate and value them a lot.

*discovery of the day : S looks like Yoona! * yay!

i always think S is pretty. she is perfect. with the height and all.

My 19th Birthday

i am lucky ain't i?

i have been having 3 days straight of birthday celebration with different circle of friends and they are all very important to me and placed a special place in my heart. i am just so happy and grateful and touched with what they have done for me. they make me feel special and i feel recognized. i am now, a different and changed person.

the very first one was on 30th September. well. i am pretty surprised that they throw such a small party to me. i really didn't expect it at all. though, i did smelt something fishy is going on between them because they were whispering and sharing things and do not even include me, which is sad but totally tolerable because i just know that they're planning on my birthday surprise. therefore, i just played dumb all week long. duh. Minhui and Shiying must have been the mastermind behind all of it. both of them and a few other went out to Times Square in the late afternoon to get the cake and hunt for my birthday present. Then, Minhui tempted me to cafe in the late evening and i agreed to it because i was a little hungry. i didn't know about it at all and when i reached cafe, i saw a bunch of people there, the familiar faces, and i gaped and uttered OMG. Minhui definitely played her role well. And i didn't even realize Shiying was not in the room the whole afternoon. duh. i am too insensitive. and there went my celebration. singing, eating, snapping photos and all. i was just too surprised and happy that they actually spend their precious time for it. *touched* everything was just too awesome. i got a new white bag. i like it but it's kind of bulky, still i really appreciate it. then, i got a super cute and pretty birthday card. it's from one of my best boy friends around, Sam! i really really really like it. and i really appreciate his efforts to put on the shiny little thingy and tracing an 'EYU' on it making me the Princess Eyu. duh. He is really something. first time ever a guy had ever send me a birthday card!

the next day, i was having my second pre-celebration with my dear lovely buddy, Jiawen at Pavilion. i could sense that there's something fishy going on too and i was right again. all the grandbuddies were there and that there was one surprised which was i finally get to meet my super great grandbuddies in person and for real. well. he is kind of nice and good looking. he has that sense of maturity and charisma in himself. The night went well and i had a lot of fun, 'bullying' by them. though, it was definitely a night to remember too.

on 2nd October, which is my birth day, i had the celebration with my best friends at Wong Kok restaurant at Pavilion. i was actually booked by Huiwoon a few weeks before. the day was just way too awesome with laughters and fun and craziness and i truly savour every single moment of it. i really really really love my life and my friends. i really appreciate that they are willing to come over and celebrate with me. *touched*

well, i was trying to be different and yearning for attention when i started out a little competition on facebook when i demand for some interesting birthday wishes and dedications instead of the normally boring 'happy birthday'. well, a few of them played along and did a terrific great jobs. thanks again. i really really really appreciate the efforts and hard work that you guys had brought upon. some are pretty creative and special and interesting that really caught my attention. and the winner of the day is Rickkye, my best friend. he wrote me sort of poem thingy and everything rhyme so well. he must had spent so much of his precious time on it and i am touched for his efforts. i was near tears. he is just way too brilliant and awesome. everything is so beautifully written. and the words will last forever. =]

i am officially 19 now. there is so much more of things to achieve and i wish to live everyday happily.