Just thinking

it's a hopeless Saturday. i'm finally back to college after a hell lot of tremendous hours of journey though i slept quite well in the bus.

So, the whole thing kept me wondering what does it take to be a doctor? To be an adequate, good doctor is another issue. What does it take to truly get the title?

People are kind of aware that i am to become a doctor, in the near future, if that's in God's will. Oh hey, am i? How come the news spread like wildfire, it wasn't even a solid truth. So, i kept on getting numerous critics, advices, stories of what have became to the current batch of newly graduated students, doing their pracical or housemenship in the government hospitals and how they turn the seniors insanely livid. Enough said.

Enduring medical school is a must. Complete a five years studies, get a degree and off they went for two years housemenship. Well, it brings a different story there. Attitude, confidence, application, agility and all are put to test. Everything is not black and white anymore and there are valuable lives involve and it is vital that they make full use of their knowledge and prove their ability to everyone before they deserve the damn coveted title. Just so to make the name good to enunciate.

i wasn't even sure anymore which and which is the genuine advice, comment, compliment, encouragement. i wasn't quite a someone who blindly receive beautiful words and indulge in my own merriment to know how much people actually care and adore and being supportive. Sometimes, i could feel somewhere in the abyss of the chasm that there's something fishy there. Arrogant and impudent ain't i? Whatever. Everything kept inside me needs to be expressed because i don't know how long i can stand still. i need confident, i need to have confidencce in myself not to get blessing and confidence from others. i need to work hard towards it so as to prove that i am capable to do so on my own and to prove to the presumably hypocrites that i have achieved something and i am proud of myself, my family and it doesn't have to concern them.

So, what was i doing here? Whining endlessly. Completely moodless to do my studies and i am fairly sure that i am quite far behind due to a couple days of skipping classes.

Still. i want to be a doctor because by studying medicine, i will know more of human, of myself, of how the body works, of how vulnerable we are, of how omnipotent the God is, of how i can help the others to alleviate their sorrow, to do what i am interested in. Great. Hopefully i can endure whatever that comes. Please give me back my strength.

p/s i need to learn to live as i don't give a damn of others' pointless and stagnating thoughts.