my last entry was on 11th of April, 2014! that's almost two years back and look at where i am now
1 finally graduated from medical school
2 happily working at hospital near my hometown which has always been my very first choice
my previous blog entries were mostly about my endless ranting on how i hated the life that i have committed myself into. i always know that im not good enough, not motivated enough, no ambition, no goals whatsoever. medical school was difficult and a struggle for me. the people i met in medical school helped me see how the society functions and what the real world and real shit is about, thats where i start keeping a good distance from people and i have serious trust issue.
i am grateful that i made it thru medical school and graduated with a not-so-bad achievement and now already 8 months into housemanshit!
first step is always the hardest!
i was struggling too through my first posting in medical. you're in new environment and you're now a working adult! and people expect fresh graduates to apply their knowledge, to function as a junior trainee doctor, to make yourself useful instead of a space occupying lesion. i am grateful to have met seniors who are always helpful and willing to help noob and dumb new house officers like me. i am grateful to have friends who tag along and made my life not so stressful and lonely. we can talk about stress and work and our expectation in life. glad that one of my friend met her soulmate and going into marriage soon.
work starts to get fun. if only im not oncall. i would be so grumpy and just blow up whenever im oncall and having to clean others' shit and putting more workload on the oncall people. and it pisses me off more if i have to negotiate and work with people who have no sense of urgency and responsibility and inefficient. i just hope to get things done fast and get to bed and get some nap before the phone rings and having to attend patients. regardless, im fine during the normal working day albeit stressful and ashamed of myself if i couldnt answer questions or have any knowledge during morning, afternoon rounds. disappointing my bosses and myself. but i never take the initiatives to improve myself, to study harder. it can be so busy in the ward and exhausting and i want to spend my time at home relaxing, chilling but maybe that need to change soon. study. study. study.
enoug ranting of the day. i should get back to study. see you soon.
