Find myself living a very lucky and luxurious life in so many ways.
Met an old patient who have been suffering from bronchial asthma for the past 40years. And she wasn't on proper medication, just taking supplement here and there n some traditional meds. She was so frail in bed, in fact most of the patients are weak n frail, lying on the bed, with that hollowly sad eyes, lost in thought and all I wonder is what has life bring to them for as much as they could remember. She was in shortness of breathe, on nasal drip and we, the desperate medical students were approaching her with the hope that she will talk to us.
Maybe, she needs us as mush as we appreciate her cooperative too.
I started with some small talk. Really bad at things like this. Felt like that asshole hypocrite again because I know how much I hate talking n meddling with people, I hate the ambience in the hospital, not forget to mention that I was constantly reminding myself of how I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a medical officer.
Old people always remind me of my late grandparents and my grandmother.
She was constantly uttering how difficult her life had been. She was a rubber tapper. with her worsening asthma, she still had to work during those days. The son will come for a visit in the afternoon. That put a smile on my face. Her husband had ceased 4 years ago. She remembered it well, it was at the same hospital. i can hear the longing there. Love is a powerful thing, I somehow wish that I met Love too. When we questioned on family history, she had turned to a different frequency. She never met her parents. They had sold her away. She had been living with the godparents. my heart sank. she didn't continue anymore. I know that there must be an unfathomable hardship in the family and whatnot with the poor education on contraceptive, it's inevitable. It was another great awakening to me. I am born 'lucky' and 'rich'.
She was surprisingly talkative and fun albeit in respiratory distress. I promised to visit her again tomorrow. I hope I keep my words. I think she remember us. The old lady opposite her bed still remember that I helped her with the medication yesterday. my friend said she was like a little psychotic. I thought so too. I can't even comprehend a single words she said. She waved at us earlier. I think she remembered us. It must have been the loneliness.
I just don't understand God sometimes. Is there seriously a Creator at all? By believing and having faith makes more sense. With karma and incarnation, it makes more sense. Maybe some people suffered thru hardship because they have yield that bad karma over their past life. And those born into well to do family probably had earned good karma points over the past years. If I believe in one life, isn't it sounds unfair? Then I would be questioning why some were born into that goddamn rich family that they don't even need to care for the taxes or saving in their account, living a real tycoon life.
I really feel excrutiatingly bad for people who had suffered a lot in their life. physically and mentally.
