an imminent lost

someone in the family had passed away. my Grandaunt.

since tuesday, i heard from mum n grandma that She had been admitted to the hospital. Her condition was so bad that the doctor said that the lung infections seemed to be fatal. and today, i just knew that She had passed away. feel a tinge of distress for losing Her but it wasn't as intense as it should because i just barely know Her and for this, i feel remorse.

i wonder is this even right to not feel a thing. i just feel sad to make me feel good about myself that i am not a heartless and unemotional person. i live thru my ays like every other days, still can happily laugh and smile. i barely know her, as a person. now that she's gone and i couldn't even remember the last time i saw her and greet upon her. chinese new year?

i just felt sorry for the family of my mother's side, especially my great Grandfather. he must has felt wretched for losing a sister. they have been like living together since young since she's not tied down to anyone. it felt like yesterday that great Grandpa lost Great Grandma. i wonder if his fragile heart is able to withstand such anguish. now i miss him. though again, i barely know him. despite his advanced age, he knew me. and whenever he reaches his hand for me when i went for a visit, i just feel helpless and sad. i feel sorry for the both of us. and i still remember the moment he shed his tears looking and touching my brother. i wonder what are those tears for. did he feel touched that we have grown up so big now? did he feel blessed or the opposite for the years he have lived thru? it was really a pain looking at my Great Grandpa inevitably living thru his last days with worsening condition. i feel glad that he has recovered from previous sickness but i think as you grow old, your body is unable to function well anymore and slowly, his eyesight weakens. but, mum said he looks healthy. i pray that he doesn't have to go thru any agony and can brace thru his last days comfortably.

i did really feel really really bad for not getting to know those respectable person in my life. they have been so dear to my mum, grandma, aunts, uncles and all but we the younger generations just comfortably enjoy the prosperity that they had slogged hard for us.

just want to send my sincere condolence to those who deeply felt her lost, especially my family members. i know that mum and grandma feel terribly bad and sad. we shall remember Her in memories and that will make Her lives in our heart forever.

beyond that smudge

yet another awesome and meaningful family outing with my funniest and favourite Aunt. it seems that i have inevitably become a part of them or i like to think so. i am forever grateful and thankful that Uncle and Aunt are always willing to make such great efforts coming down, sending me back when i went for a few nights sleepover. make sure i am fine and all. and i honestly believed and hope that their children will grow up great in the future.

the time spending with them are so valuable cuz they teach me priceless lessons. and of course they sometimes reflected my life, watching the scene before me making it feels like i am playing my history backward and make me reminiscence of the good old days i used to have. and the bad one included. Uncle and Aunt have definitely make awesome and the bestest parents a child can be gifted with. and of course, they are blessed with wonderful children too.

i made a visit to the National Bird Park and National Museum today. yes. i don't think that i would ever have yet another opportunity to visit those places again growing older. pfft. are you kidding me? museum?! but frankly speaking, the museum kind of giving of a sense of eerie and freakish. looking at the dummies gave me goosebumps and i had to look away. it was as if they are alive. Night at the museum definitely left great impacts to a 'particular' part of the viewer and i am one of them. nonetheless, i think that a visit to National Museum would serve as an awesome field trip for those studying History because learning and reading from the mundane textbooks alone aren't going to be as exciting and effective as making a visit there in which all the pictures and words in the books become alive.

so despite the crawling near exam, i still make up some time to enjoy myself and spend time with them because i know that i need it, despite the exhaustion that i still struggling hard to recover from yesterday's Explorace organized by my fellow course mates in which they sent us running amok all around Lake Titiwangsa and the residential hostel that i used to reside in. it definitely brought a new meaning and formed a different related memory.

well, life is not bad afterall. i dont have to complicate it by caring less. caring less doesnt mean i doesnt care at all. it's just that there's a whole lot more to it beyond that smudge that make us stop and cry at the so-reckoned unfair life.