It's all coming back to me

Dear Grandaunt,

How are you doing? i'm sorry for not able to attend your funeral and pay you the very last respect.

i hope that you are now rest in peace and may all the goodness fall upon you for you have been such a great person in your lifetime. Please pardon me if i'd done anything wrong that you're irritated. i wish to know you more if i'm given another chance because i know very well that you've play an important role in moulding my Father of becoming what he is now and now, here i am. i'm truly sorry for my unpardonable indifference. 

Do take care and rest in peace.

Dear Father,

i'm sorry for not calling you for days. my heart sank and i felt my eyes wet today just to hear your voice and know that you're in the pink of health. 

i'm dejected to know that you're not paying me a visit the very next week. i wonder what's the point of me spending endless time dreaming and waiting for the big days only to realize that it's going to be a malicious dream afterward because i'm not able to see you and we couldn't embrace each other. i long to see you...very very very much. 

it's devastating and it's anguished and it's painful. my heart ached so much that i couldn't even concentrate of what i was studying and kept on staring at words and the very same lines and paragraph and kept on reminiscing our conversation and sing to myself your lovely voices which i'd imprinted in my mind for forever. it's indelible now and i knew that i wouldn't lost because i could play them on on each solitary nights.

  Father, please pardon me for my impudence or wrong doing. i love you and i miss you and i think about you and Mother every seconds, minutes, hours and days. Do take care too. i promise to keep in touch with you no matter how busy i am.      

Where rainbow ends

it's been the freaking 19th day here. i don't know how i manage to endure every single day but one thing for sure, i'm still alive!

Life has been hectic and my passion seems to fade away in silence with each passing seconds, minutes, hours and days. i am very sure of my priority, to study hard and do medicine because it seems like it's the only thing i'm interested in since ... i couldn't remember. it's like a silence killer. i hope that it wouldn't be a irreversible process for i'm tired of figuring out what i want to do for the next 40 years. 

Room mates have been really helpful. i like it when we are laughing out loud for certain silly things but that's not the main point. it's the process and the people i'm with. they are all decent people so i do learn a lot from them. we live in harmony! i keep on getting remarks from the authorities to mix well with the room mates (different race, religion, and culture). Oh well. Well done to me. we love each other and care about each other and the more i'm with them, the more i feel like a need to help and care for them. i remember last time we spent the whole night crapping about every single thing and laughed our lungs out and totally deserted our studies. How queer ain't it? i spent more time talking to people i've just known for days than the fellow "acquaintances" that i've known for years. 

That's all for now i guess although there's still a lot to mention here. i've been keeping my feeling and track for days without pouring it out to words or type it down so that in the later years i could have a good reflection of my college life although i'm pretty sure it would be a haze till then. Just feel like a need to blog it.

There's still a zillion thing to complete and i know it very well that there's no way i could get every single thing done even for an infinite time. i wish that things could stop progressing and give me a break, a little escape, i'm so tired of being what i'm now. 

       

My Fictitious World

i misinterpret my Mother's phrase, quote, use the money to buy the books that you want, don't have to save any penny. 

what i've done?

Instead of buying reference books, i used up around Rm100 to buy novels and more novels! i couldn't resist the temptation to read those masterpieces from Nicholas Sparks and Cecilia Ahern. i'm remorseful for not having the opportunity to capture the beauty of each story during my high school years. therefore, now, i'm trying to make things up, hoping to broaden my perspectives toward life and try to suit myself in the world of fictitious novella where i could let myself lost in thought, drift off to surreality and let the mind paints the enormous celestial scenes that's created by merely words. 

i would steal some time to read the novellas every now and then. i noticed that i've lost the interest and the passion to complete my matriculation studies. it would take an umpteenth time for me to decide what's my priority in life. While others are nurturing their iron wills and doing their very best to achieve excellent results, i could still audaciously steal some time to read novels, not bothering at all of my studies.  

i never miss a second missing home. My first ever visitor who paid me a visit since my last arrival at PMC was Aunt Tanjung Malim. i addressed her that way because i'm not so sure what's her name, she's staying in Tanjung Malim though. Aunt and Uncle brought some food for me. Then, we went to have lunch. it's yet another "sumptuous" lunch that i've ever had since i left home although it's just simple and plain and costed less than RM10 for three people, i think. Counting days for my parents' visit next month. it feels like forever!   

Homesickness

Since it took forever for me to access to my previous blog site-hueyth1ng.spaces.live.com, i'd finally made up my mind to start up a new blog space for me to crap about almost anything that i feel like a need to crap about.

Today was my 10th day, i think, at Perak Matriculation College(KMPk). Life's been hectic and exhausting! i was sick a couple of days ago and went into bed at 7 something and woke up the next day at 5 after taking a Paracetamol and Huiwoon(among my besties here) came for a visit while i was drifted to sleep after the painkiller kicked in into a world of unconsciousness. The next day, one of my roomates, Gi-Ah, informed me about the it and asked for my condition. Everyone was so nice here! i felt quite touched by my roomates' remarks that i should tell them if i'm not feeling well the next time because i scared the hell out of them by crawling up to bed at 7pm! 

The teaching here was super fast! All the lecturers just used slides, and slides and more slides to teach. There are lecture classes, tutorial classes and practical classes. The students dawdled a lot here! Arrgh. i walked pass so many dawdlers each and every day whenever one class ended and i had to switch to other lecture hall or tutorial room or language lab or sciences laboratory to continue the lesson. i just felt like i have no time to waste because of i am lacked behind in my studies. Buck up people! Give me way please...thank you. i need to buy more books and books and books for references or anything. 

i need to take care of myself properly. i couldn't afford to fall sick again and waste more time on bed and do nothing except that my fragile body's struggling to fight off the sickness.

i am still in the state of severe homesickness! i want to go home. 

During my English lesson, Sir picked random students from my freaking dull class to do public speaking in front with any topic that we desired. i talked about my HOMESICKNESS! i need to tell people how i don't like it here and how much i'd wanted to go home, to get my life back. Sir confronted me about my problem yet to no avail. i miss home, the bestest place ever!